Entwined In The Light
by Megling
Summary: Narcissa Black fell in love only to marry Lucius Malfoy, a cruel husband who has made her life miserable. When Lucius escapes from Azkaban, Narcissa must confront her past to save her son and future
1. Moved by a letter

Her large blue eyes opened weakly as she tried to make sense of what had just happened. She tried to keep awake, to shake out the blow to her head from just a few moments ago. What had happened to her? She couldn't remember.  
  
From downstairs, she heard the clash of swords. A sickening thud as a small body hit the floor hard. The sound of laughter, sinister and triumphant.  
  
Her eyes widened.  
  
"No," she moaned, "No."  
  
Her glassy fingernails scrabbling against the marble floor, she dragged her bruised body to the landing and pulled herself up so she could gaze over the balcony. From her perch up high, she could see the two figures battling, their eyes locked on each other, one's desperate struggle to live, and the other's half-crazed pursuit to kill.  
  
Deep inside her, a sort of passion ignited.  
  
Her body was broken, her spirit even more so. But for the first time in nearly thirty-six years, she had something worth fighting for. Something even more than her life.  
  
* * *  
  
"Miss Black, please pay attention!"  
  
Professor McGonagall's wand rapped harshly on the table. Narcissa Black jumped and sat up straighter, face blushing furiously amid her classmates' giggles. She stared straight ahead, barely managing to whisper, "Yes, ma'am."  
  
Behind her, she could hear James Potter whisper, "Not too bright now, is she?" His friends chortled with glee, and Narcissa's face burned even brighter when she heard her cousin Sirius' chuckle. She hated class, she hated school.  
  
Just then, her friend's reassuring hand reached over and touched hers lightly.  
  
"Ignore them," Lily Potter whispered gently, "Just ignore all of them."  
  
Grateful for her friend's words, Narcissa felt some of the blush in her cheeks lightening slowly. She picked up her quill again and tried to take some more notes on Vanishing Charms. She'd always done poorly on them, even though they were remarkably easy, especially for sixth years. Lily had helped her get through her O.W.L.s, but she wouldn't really be there for her N.E.W.Ts, so Narcissa knew she would have to practice twice as hard.  
  
It wasn't like her to daydream in class. Not like her at all. But somehow, ever since last week, she hadn't managed to pay attention whatsoever. There was only room for one thought in her head at a time.and that thought was filled with Remus Lupin.  
  
Though they had been seeing each other for nearly three months now, Narcissa hadn't thought of Remus as anything more than a close friend and someone to study with. Until last week, when Remus' life had been threatened.  
  
He had cared for her enough to trust her with his deepest secret: the fact that he was a werewolf. Narcissa had been shocked at first, but it hadn't particularly bothered her, especially since she was already engaged to Lucius Malfoy. He had just been someone to be friends with, maybe date casually on the sly. She didn't dare fall in love with him - that would be silly and only lead both him and her into danger. Lucius was only twenty, but he was already a powerful persona in the Ministry of Magic, and nobody dared cross him, not even his betrothed.  
  
But last week, two things had happened that had changed Narcissa's outlook on life completely.  
  
The first had come as a complete surprise. It had come by owl post on a Tuesday morning, the day before Remus was sent to the hospital wing. Narcissa had only just woken up when her female barn owl, Sapphire, had flown into the window and deposited a piece of parchment into her hands. It was written and addressed by a Mrs. Andromeda Tonks.  
  
No, Narcissa had thought as she looked at the name in amazement. No.she couldn't have.  
  
But the letter read as such:  
  
Dearest Narcissa, I'm writing to tell you that I shall probably never see you again. Mother and Father have disinherited me and will never let me back into the presence again. I would apologize but I must tell you, I do not feel sorry in the least for what I have done. I wanted to tell you beforehand, but I could not risk Mother and Father being angry at you as well, not without your agreement.  
  
Narcissa, I have broken my engagement with Evan Rosier. I know this must come as a surprise, what with the wedding being scheduled for only this summer, but I must tell you that I could not live a lie any longer. I find Evan a hateful man, with no love for any woman, and I could never live with him. But this is not my only reason for breaking the engagement. I have fallen in love with a Muggle named Theodore Tonks, whom I met during my Healer's training at St. Mungo's. He asked me to marry him, and I accepted. We were married two days ago in a private ceremony.  
  
I expect that you are probably very angry with me for going off and deserting you, Narcissa, and I am truly sorry for hurting you, if I have. I know that you think that life with Mother, Father, and Trixie is extremely difficult, and that you have always leaned on me for guidance, but you must think for yourself now. Your marriage to Lucius Malfoy takes place one year from June 13th. I beg of you, if you have fallen in love with another, not to be coerced into a life you do not want any part of. I have met your future husband, and I fear for your happiness, Narcissa, darling. I do not know if there is anyone at school whom you fancy, but I beg of you to look. I love you more than anyone in that unit I once called my family, and I hope that you find nothing but love and happiness, all that Ted and I have and more.  
  
I must ask you not to write to me until this storm has blown over between our parents and I. I do not want you falling into trouble without your full consent, and I fear that you will, if you continue communication with me. Know that I still love you and I will miss you every moment that we are apart. Remember what I said, my darling sister. I pray that someday we will indeed meet again.  
  
Yours always, with the greatest love,  
  
Andromeda Black Tonks  
  
The second event was another surprise, but one that Narcissa had felt had definitely been coming. She had been reading Andromeda's letter for what she felt was the nine hundredth time when someone had come up behind her and shaken her shoulder sharply. She had dropped the letter into her lap as if it were a hot poker and turned about.  
  
It was Sirius, and he was looking sullen.  
  
"He wants you," he said coldly, "God knows why, but it's you he wants."  
  
"Who?" Narcissa asked, knowing full well who Sirius meant."  
  
"Remus," he replied just as coldly, "He's in the hospital wing. He wants you to go to him. Madam Pomfrey's not thrilled, but there's really nothing as to be done about it; Dumbledore insists you see him if you can."  
  
Narcissa jumped to her feet and stuffed the letter into the pocket of her uniform skirt. She ran out of the room and took the stairs two at a time, all the way up to the hospital wing. She knew that, in Lupin's position, he was in nearly constant danger. But what if something horrible had happened to him, something that couldn't be fixed? Her heart was pounding in her throat as she wrenched open the door to the hospital wing.  
  
Madam Pomfrey was bent over the last bed in one of the rows. And in the bed, looking sweaty and pale, grasping the sheets in his white hands, was Remus. His eyes widened when he saw her.  
  
"Narcissa!" he whispered.  
  
She darted over to the bed, slipping ever so slightly on the waxed floor. Madam Pomfrey looked at her disapprovingly.  
  
"Please," Remus begged softly, "Please let me see her."  
  
"For a few minutes only," Madam Pomfrey warned, backing away ever so slightly, with one index finger raised, "I don't want you getting all excited, you're sick enough as it is." She turned to Narcissa and stared at her, "Don't get him upset, he'll only get worse. He's not well enough for visitors as it is."  
  
"I promise I'll behave," Narcissa swore, although she would have lied about anything to get to stay for just a minute. But why was that? Something was uneasy in her chest.  
  
Madam Pomfrey left them alone, and Remus reached out one pale hand. Narcissa took it and sat in the stiff-backed chair next to him.  
  
"I was afraid they wouldn't let you come," he whispered, "I missed you so." He reached out and grazed her shimmering blonde hair with just his fingertips. "You look so beautiful to me right now," he told her, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips.  
  
Narcissa blushed slightly, squeezing his hand in hers, "What did Madam Pomfrey say? What happened to you?"  
  
Remus' eyes dropped for a minute, as if he was unsure of what to say. Then he looked up at her again.  
  
"Snape found out," he said.  
  
Narcissa felt her heart skip a beat. "He what?" she whispered.  
  
Remus shrugged helplessly, "Sirius thought it would be funny to send him to the Whomping Willow and get beaten horribly, trying to figure out where I was going every month. He told him how to push the knot that freezes the tree. But what he hadn't banked on was that Snape got through the tree's defenses." He shrugged again, his eyes boring into hers, in terrible pain, "James caught him and dragged him back before I could hurt him.but he saw me." He covered his face with his hands, "I'll never forget.those horrified eyes. He recognized me. And now he knows me for what I am."  
  
Narcissa stared at him, terrified, "But.he can't tell, Remus, he just can't! Dumbledore will stop him!"  
  
"That's what he's promised to do," Remus said softly, looking away from her again, "He said that he has forbidden Snape to ever speak of this event to anyone ever again. But I don't know if Snape will keep his word.he's always hated James, and Sirius.and me." His face was haggard now, as well as sick and pale.  
  
Something squeezed Narcissa's heart. She felt as if she might burst inside. What was that painful emotion? Was it pity? Sadness? Or something else...No. It wasn't that. It couldn't be.  
  
"But I wanted to see you, Narcissa," Remus was saying now. He touched her beautiful face again, his eyes wide with sadness and.what was that alien emotion, "I wanted you to hear from me.that this has to be the end."  
  
Now she was shaking inside.  
  
"What?" she asked softly, "What do you mean, Remus?"  
  
"I can't put you in danger," he replied, shaking his head, "I care about you too much to do that. I could never subject you to pain or to harm.Please know that, Narcissa."  
  
"You're leaving me," she whispered dully.  
  
"No!" Remus took her by both hands and forced her to look into his eyes, "It isn't like that, Narcissa. Please understand." His eyes sought hers desperately, "I couldn't bear it if you were hurt or in pain, and it was due to me. Don't you see? I could never live if anyone I loved was hurt because of my secret."  
  
She stared at him. No.it couldn't be.  
  
"Narcissa?" he begged her, "Do you understand?"  
  
She slowly stood up, and took her hands from his. She stared into his eyes, with confusion and terror a mask on her beautiful face.  
  
"No," Remus whispered, tears welling in his eyes, "Don't walk away from me, Narcissa. Please.please understand."  
  
She shook her head slowly and turned. Blindly, she pushed open the door to the hospital wing and tore down the hallway. Tears were streaming down her face as she tried to make sense of what had just happened. She slammed into the stone of one corridor wall as she tried to grasp the situation.  
  
She could never see Remus again, that much was certain. He was going to walk out of her life, leave her alone as if he had never met her. He would pretend she had never existed, leave her to marry Lucius Malfoy, leave her to whatever life lay ahead of her.  
  
But he was doing this.because he loved her.  
  
Narcissa slumped to the bottom of the wall and buried her face in her hands, tears falling like rainwater. Nothing in her life had ever hurt this much. And nothing had ever made her feel so happy, so amazing, so free.  
  
In her entire life, she had never felt loved by any human being. She had lived with her parents, and had always been obedient, had done what they had said. But she had never felt loved, not the way she knew that Lily was loved by her parents. It was a common complaint in the Black family - her cousin Sirius had once told her that "My parents hate me, but it's all right, because I hate them, too."  
  
She didn't love Lucius Malfoy. Certainly not. They had been engaged since she was nine and he was thirteen. From that moment on, she had always known that she was going to marry Lucius Malfoy, and she had never thought otherwise. She just assumed that she would be his wife, be everything she was expected to be.  
  
But now nothing made sense anymore.  
  
She pulled Andromeda's letter out of her pocket. Her eyes fluttered down the page until she found the words that she was searching for.  
  
I beg of you, if you have fallen in love with another, not to be coerced into a life you do not want any part of.  
  
Narcissa's tears fell on the letter, marring the words. She quickly brushed the tears off. For the first time in her orderly, obedient sixteen years, she didn't know what she was going to do. The only thing she was sure of was that everything was going to be different now. Nothing would ever be the same.  
  
She was in love with Remus Lupin.  
  
Determinedly, Narcissa stood up and took a shaky, sobbing breath. She folded the letter and slipped it back into her pocket. Then she closed her eyes and began walking down the hall.unsure of where she was going.knowing she'd never go back. 


	2. No longer invisible

Transfiguration class came to an end, and Narcissa quickly stopped in her reverie and picked up her books. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see James Potter approaching her desk, his face a little bit.what was that? Shyness? James Potter? Narcissa's eyes bolted from him to Lily Evans (accidentally called Lily Potter in the last chapter), and widened.  
  
He loves her! she realized. She crushed the urge to giggle a little bit. Lily was always complaining about James, always saying he was a no-account talent who thought he was better than everyone else. But Narcissa knew, somewhere deep down, Lily liked James, though she would never admit it. She'd been rebutting his advances ever since early fifth year. But James kept trying. He never gave up.  
  
If he feels half for her what I feel for Remus, she thought, the poor thing must be in agony.  
  
Her mind snapped to attention. Remus! Where was he?  
  
She turned around wildly, but everyone was leaving class. For a second, she thought she caught a glimpse of shaggy, light brown hair.but no, it wasn't him. She turned back to Lily. "I have to go, um, look up something in the library," she lied quickly.  
  
Lily wasn't even paying attention. "No," she was snapping at James. "Does that thick head of yours absorb anything? I said no!"  
  
"C'mon," James pleaded, "Just one date at Hogsmeade, Lily. Please?"  
  
"After everything you did to Snape? I know he's a nasty git and all, but you didn't need to do him the way you did."  
  
"That was last year," James said, frustrated, "Can't you just let bygones be bygones?"  
  
Narcissa looked from James to Lily, one's pleading eyes to the other's stony expression. She had an idea. It was a small one, but, maybe.  
  
"No," Lily snapped, "I can't." She buckled her book sack and turned to leave, bumping into Narcissa. "I thought you'd already left," she groused. "Come on."  
  
"Wait a minute," Narcissa said, "I've got something to say."  
  
Lily stared at her, annoyed. James was looking frustrated still, but a bit intrigued.  
  
"It's obvious that his feelings are genuine," Narcissa said, thrusting a hand out to indicate James, "He's been pursuing you for the past year and a half. And maybe he really is sorry that he used to beat up on Snape."  
  
Lily snorted.  
  
"The point is," Narcissa raised her voice, "I think you should give him a chance. Just one date, Lily, like he said. And if you hate him, fine, don't date him again. But if you do." Her voice trailed off. She couldn't exactly imagine Lily ever giving in to James Potter and agreeing to go steady with him. But maybe.well, she didn't know.  
  
James and Lily were both staring at Narcissa in shock. But blind hope was beginning to blossom on James' usually cocky face. Lily looked as if she'd just been dumped with ice water.  
  
"Oh, bloody hell fine," she muttered. "This Saturday, all right?" She turned to Narcissa and said, "I've gotta get going, I have ten inches on moonstones to write for tomorrow." Without another word, she pushed past the two of them and left the classroom.  
  
Narcissa looked at James. A look of stupid happiness was on his face. She smiled at him.  
  
"How did you do that?" James asked her in shock, "I'd give anything to see how you did that. She never would give me the time of day, not ever. But you - "  
  
"I'm not doing it for free, if that's what you were thinking," Narcissa said quickly, "I need your help, James, soon, if possible."  
  
"Are you kidding? Anything!"  
  
"Good," Narcissa hesitated, "I need you to get Remus to meet me somewhere. But he has to think that it's someone he has to see, like Dumbledore or someone. He won't come out if he thinks that I'm meeting him."  
  
James looked confused, "All right, I guess."  
  
"And another thing," Narcissa went on, "Don't let anyone see us, all right? Otherwise we'll both be in big trouble, and I can't risk that."  
  
"All right. Where do you want me to have him meet you?"  
  
Narcissa thought for a moment, "Outside on the west grounds," she said, "That's enough out of the way that no students could been peeking from windows, unless they were in the Astronomy tower. And nobody will be there after five." She nodded, "Make it at five on the west grounds."  
  
"You got it," James sprinted out of the classroom, almost bumping into someone on his way out. He didn't even notice his victim, but bounded down the hall as if he was on silver wings. The person jumped back to his feet and slunk inside the classroom, staring at Narcissa with a look of absolutely rage.  
  
"That's great," he spat, "Phenomenal. Blow up Potter's head even more, why don't you, Narcissa Black?"  
  
Narcissa stared at him, "Don't you make me feel badly, Severus," she replied, tossing her head, "James' feelings for Lily were genuine. I couldn't just keep them battling each other forever. Besides, it was giving me a headache, all that fighting." She tossed her book sack over her shoulder, "Excuse me. I have somewhere to go."  
  
Severus blocked the door with his hand, "I thought we were friends," he hissed at her. Narcissa suddenly felt very cold.  
  
"You're friends with my.with Lucius." She fought down the impulse to say my fiancé. "I don't owe you anything, Severus Snape!" She pushed past him and began to walk down the hall quickly, out of sight. I must drop my books off before I meet Remus, she thought.  
  
Severus watched her leave, watching her blonde hair shake like a waterfall down her back. "You will owe me something, Narcissa," he said sinisterly, "You will."  
  
* * *  
  
An hour later, Narcissa hid herself behind a gargoyle outside on the patio of the west grounds. She watched the glass door, waiting for someone to emerge from it.  
  
She checked her watch. 5: 07. Could it be that James had double-crossed her? Had he not given Remus the message? Her heart clenched. Could Remus have seen right through her act?  
  
The door opened. Narcissa stiffened.  
  
Remus stepped outside, wearing a blue shirt and a pair of faded khakis instead of his uniform. Narcissa's heart skipped a beat. He was so handsome, in that dark blue that exactly matched his eyes. She took a deep breath.  
  
Remus looked confused. "Dumbledore?" he asked softly, as if he was afraid of being laughed at.  
  
Narcissa took a deep breath and stepped out from behind the gargoyle. "Dumbledore's not here," she replied, "I asked James to send you."  
  
Remus' eyes widened. "Narcissa, I told you I couldn't see you anymore. It's not safe for you." He looked at her as if he couldn't bear to turn away, and Narcissa doubted it had anything to do with the apple-green sundress she had chosen to wear. She walked towards him and brushed his hand with hers. Remus stiffened.  
  
"Narcissa.I love you, but I just can't," he pleaded, "Don't you see? Anything that happens to me will happen to you, if I'm found out. Can you imagine what your fiancé would say if he found out you were traipsing around with a - " His voice broke off and he continued in a whisper, "With a werewolf?"  
  
"Remus - "  
  
"No, don't say anything. I already know. He'd break your engagement, and your family would hate you for it. I couldn't do that to you, Narcissa," Remus turned away, "Not for an infatuation that will surely fade in time."  
  
He started to walk back to the door, and his hand was on the knob when he heard her cry.  
  
"Remus, it isn't what you think!"  
  
He paused and looked back at her.  
  
"Then what is it, Narcissa?"  
  
She clasped her hands together, not knowing what to say. She had never said she loved anyone in her life. How would she manage to do this?  
  
And then she thought of James, who loved Lily so much that he would pursue her for a year and a half, begging her right and left to give him a chance, to see past that boasting exterior to someone who really could love, who really could give other people a chance. And of Lily, who was too proud to admit that she really admired James, and couldn't tell him so. She had given them a chance. She would find a way to give herself a chance.  
  
Remus.  
  
He was so handsome, so sad, so hurt. Life had been cruel to him; she could no longer be. She stepped towards him and whispered, softly, from somewhere in the bottom of her heart:  
  
"I love you, Remus."  
  
His blue eyes widened, "What?"  
  
"I love you," she replied simply, "I love you."  
  
He was silent. Staring at her.  
  
"I know it doesn't make sense," she said, "And I know I've always said that nothing can come of this, that I can't break my promise to Lucius Malfoy. But." She hesitated, and then went on, her voice even stronger, "But I can't live a lie anymore. I can't say I love someone when I don't. And I love you, Remus. Not Lucius Malfoy. Not anyone else. Just you."  
  
He didn't move.  
  
"I know none of this seems real," Narcissa said desperately, "I know just a week ago I was telling you I couldn't love you, couldn't be with you any more than a friend could be with someone. But." she touched the letter in her pocket, "Things have changed, and so have I. And I know you don't want to see me anymore," she whispered, "But I just want you to know, Remus. I'm not worried about getting hurt. All I care about is you. I love you, Remus."  
  
Remus looked at her as if he couldn't make sense of it all. Narcissa felt that tiny spring of hope inside of her dying. She closed her eyes as if to shield herself from embarrassment, from pain. The only person she had ever really loved was going to let her go. She wouldn't give him the chance.  
  
"Well.that's all, I guess," she said softly. She walked by him, towards the door, and opened it slightly.  
  
"Wait a minute," Remus said, touching her arm.  
  
"What is it?" she asked, not turning.  
  
"Did you mean it?" he asked her, his voice barely above a whisper.  
  
She smiled slightly, tears blurring her vision.  
  
"Every word."  
  
And Remus shut the door, and pulled her into his arms. Narcissa's eyes widened. Through her tears she could see his face, that beautiful face that had haunted her dreams for the past few days. She didn't know what to say.  
  
Neither, apparently, did Remus. His fingers trembling, he reached for her face and touched her cheek, brushing away a tear on one side, then the other. She was shaking all over, and Remus held her close, as if he could stop the shaking. He tipped her face up.  
  
"Look at me," he whispered, "Please."  
  
Narcissa flicked those beautiful sapphire eyes up to him as they filled with tears. She blinked furiously, as if she was trying to be rid of them. Remus felt his heart would melt if he ever looked at anything so beautiful again.  
  
And then he kissed her.  
  
Narcissa felt her insides explode into a million fireworks as she clung to him, willing the kiss to never end. She felt as if she would be happy if life stopped here, and she stayed forever in the arms of Remus Lupin, spending the rest of eternity just being held by someone who loved her.  
  
Finally, Remus pulled away and looked at her again. Were those tears in his eyes? Narcissa reached up - it was her turn to brush the tears away. Remus laughed softly. "Sorry," he whispered, "I just.it was my first kiss."  
  
"Mine too," Narcissa laughed shakily. Remus laughed with her and held her, rocking her back and forth slowly. The sun was setting behind them. Soon they would have to go in, or they would be breaking school rules. But Narcissa didn't care. She didn't care if someone came up behind her and struck her dead right now. Nothing mattered as much as this.  
  
"I love you, Narcissa," Remus whispered.  
  
She had never heard those words before. She didn't think she could handle this much happiness.  
  
"I love you, too," she whispered back.  
  
* * *  
  
They stayed in each other's arms for a long time, not caring that the sun was setting behind them, not caring that they were out of bounds. Nothing mattered to them anymore, except each other. But if Remus had been more cautious, he would have been looking around for intruders. And Narcissa would have thought of someone who had a grudge against her. And both of them would have seen a solitary silhouette against the brilliant sky.watching them from the Astronomy tower. 


	3. An unlikely couple

Severus Snape descended the stairs of the Astronomy Tower, his face like a thundercloud. He knew he had seen too much, too much of something he had gone looking for, but hadn't actually wanted to find. He sat down on the bottom step and folded his hands, resting his chin on them.  
  
Narcissa Black.and Remus Lupin! The werewolf.Snape closed his eyes. He personally had nothing against Lupin - of the four of them, he thought darkly, Lupin was by far the one he held the least grudge against. He didn't like Sirius Black at all, Narcissa's cousin. Black was the one who was always egging James on to pick on him, always trying to be cruel to him. And James - well, Snape hated James more than anyone in the world. Peter Pettigrew, stupid thing that he was, didn't pose much of a threat. No, it was James that Severus hated the most, the one he most wanted to see in pain.  
  
He brushed a lock of his hair away from his face. It was too long, always hanging in his eyes, but since his mother had died and his father had sent him to school, he hadn't really taken care of himself. He spent most of his days in his room, reading Dark Arts books and thinking about what he was going to do with his future. Things had changed since Lucius Malfoy had left.  
  
Snape thought for a minute.  
  
Life with Lucius Malfoy at school had been different. Lucius had been four years older than Severus, but had commanded an entire legion of friends with him. Antonin Dolohov had been Lucius' best friend; he had been the one to catch Snape shooting a curse at Sirius Black and had mentioned Snape's talent to Lucius. And so Severus had been invited to join Lucius' little gang. Lucius had taught him several extraordinary curses, most of which were banned at school, and Severus had done well in his little fights with James Potter.  
  
But then Malfoy graduated, shortly after Snape turned thirteen. And life had been hell at Hogwarts ever since.  
  
Snape's eyes narrowed. He remembered what Lucius had said to him on his last day of school.  
  
"Keep in touch with me. If anything happens," Lucius had said, "Anything.interesting, especially."  
  
Snape recalled his eyes drifting through the crowd, to rest on a tiny blonde girl, only thirteen, like Snape, with her hair pulled back in a green headband, looking very tiny and lost and forlorn. Narcissa Black.  
  
Everyone knew that Narcissa Black and Lucius Malfoy were engaged. The Black family frequently did that: betroth its girls to pure-blood boys in order to keep the line pure. Narcissa's oldest sister Bellatrix, who had graduated with Lucius Malfoy, had married Rodolphus Lestrange only two months later. Her other sister, Andromeda, who had graduated only last spring, was engaged to marry Evan Rosier.  
  
No. Snape frowned. He remembered hearing Lucas Rosier, Evan's younger brother, complaining in Potions class the other day.  
  
"I told Evan not to worry, Black girls are a dime a dozen anyway, and they're not worth their blood," Lucas had told some of his friends viciously, "Look at the other one, Narcissa, I think her name is? She's running around with slime like that Lupin character. No respect for bloodlines. None at all."  
  
Narcissa Black! Remus Lupin! Suddenly it all made sense to Snape. He stood to his feet.  
  
Narcissa Black had arranged it so that James Potter and Lily Evans would soon be dating. And now she was seeing Remus Lupin.  
  
Snape knew what he had to do.  
  
The thought of Narcissa's beautiful, constantly-sad face crossed his mind. He squashed the thought completely. Here was a way to make things better - or worse. If not for James Potter, then for his best friend. And it would put him in perfect graces with Lucius Malfoy.  
  
* * *  
  
Narcissa giggled as she ran with Remus towards the post office, brushing by shoppers and students, and other passerby as they did so. It was an absolutely beautiful day in Hogsmeade, the sort of day that made Narcissa glad that she was alive - and in love.  
  
"Are you expecting a letter?" Remus laughed, stopping to catch his breath at the door.  
  
"No," she replied, "I'm sending one."  
  
Although she had been instructed not to, Narcissa had drafted a letter to her sister Andromeda, telling her about Remus. She didn't want to send it by her regular owl; she was sure that would attract too much attention, especially because of the tiny sapphire charm it had around its neck. No, she would send one of the Hogsmeade owls, and hope that Andromeda thought to send her letter the same way.  
  
As she filled out an envelope, the man behind the counter watched her closely.  
  
"You're Narcissa Black!" he said, "Fancy that!"  
  
Narcissa jumped. Remus frowned.  
  
"What of it?" she asked the wizard shakily.  
  
"Why, a letter came for you just this morning," he said, pulling an ornate cream-colored envelope from a letterbox and handing it to her. "Came express." He winked, "Nice girl like you, got a boyfriend, eh?"  
  
"Yes," Remus said through clenched teeth, taking her arm protectively, "She does."  
  
"Remus," Narcissa whispered as a warning. She took the letter, "Thank you," she said. She took her own letter and put it in her pocket, "I don't think I'm going to send this yet," she told the man. "Come on, Remus." She took his hand and led him away.  
  
Once outside, she pulled a hairpin from her head and slit open the envelope. She pulled out a sheet of expensive embossed parchment. Lips moving faintly, she began to read, her face turning pale.  
  
"What is it?" Remus asked concernedly.  
  
"It's a letter from Lucius," she told him, lowering the parchment, "He wants me to meet him Monday night, at his manor."  
  
Remus snatched the letter from her hand and began to read it.  
  
My dear Narcissa, (it said)  
  
It seems an eternity since I have seen you. I have been speaking with our parents lately, and it is all of our decision that you and I must meet soon in order to draw up plans for our coming marriage.  
  
I request the honor of your presence at dinner Monday night, at the Malfoy Manor, just you and I. I have arranged it with Dumbledore that you will travel by Floo, through his fireplace, and will be back later that night in time for bed before classes Tuesday. I shall be very disappointed if you don't come.  
  
Yours,  
  
Lucius Malfoy.  
  
"Don't go," Remus suggested darkly, "Burn the damn thing. Who does he think he is, giving you orders?"  
  
"It's not that," she replied, taking the letter back, "I must go, Remus."  
  
"But why?" he asked.  
  
Narcissa folded the letter and sighed, "Because I have to tell him, face to face. He won't hurt me," she said quickly, when Remus started, "I have to tell him, Remus. It's the only way. And I'll be back that night, and everything will be fine."  
  
Remus looked upset, "I don't want to think of you there with him, where he can hurt you."  
  
"He won't hurt me," Narcissa persisted, "Please, Remus."  
  
Remus stared at her for a minute. Then he put his arms around her and kissed her lightly, "All right, if it means that much to you. Just promise me you won't get hurt."  
  
"I won't," Narcissa replied.  
  
"I can't bear to think of ever losing you," Remus whispered, hugging her tighter.  
  
"You won't," she promised. "Just wait and see. When I come back, everything will be fine." She let go of him, "Come on now. Let's head back to the carriages."  
  
"Not until we find Sirius and James," Remus said, "And Peter." He laughed, "And if I know Peter, they're at Honeyduke's, buying candy by the truckload."  
  
Sirius and Peter were at the candy shop, like Remus said, but neither had seen a sign of James and Lily. "They probably killed each other," Sirius joked as he paid for his Chocolate Frogs.  
  
"We last saw them.you know where," Peter whispered.  
  
"You know where" could only mean one thing - the Shrieking Shack, as citizens liked to call it. Nobody went there because it was haunted. Only James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus knew what was making those noises - Remus himself, during the full moon.  
  
The Shrieking Shack was located on a hill. Remus and Narcissa approached it quietly, waiting to hear some sign of fighting. But they didn't hear anything.  
  
"Maybe they aren't up here," Narcissa fretted, "I hope Sirius isn't right, and they're not fighting."  
  
Remus slowly pushed open the door to the Shack, and the two of them peered inside.  
  
James and Lily were there. But they weren't fighting, far from it. They were locked in each other's arms, kissing passionately.  
  
Remus burst out laughing. James swore, and Lily shrieked. The two of them turned to see Remus and Narcissa standing in the doorway.  
  
"Narcissa!" Lily gasped. She covered her mouth with her hand, face blushing furiously. Narcissa felt a giggle rising in her chest.  
  
"Nice work, mate," Remus said confidentially to James, who was adjusting his glasses as if he was trying hard to act cool and failing miserably.  
  
"It's not what you think," James said quickly, "I was just showing, uh, Evans here how to, uh."  
  
Narcissa looked at James trying to act cool, to Remus, trying hard not to laugh, to Lily, who was blushing red as a tomato, and it was all too much. She burst out laughing hysterically, and Remus joined in. Lily began to giggle behind her hand. And James looked furiously from one friend to the other, until he too, smiled and then began to laugh.  
  
"Enough of this," Remus said suddenly, wiping his eyes, "The carriages are about to leave. Come on, Narcissa.and you two." He winked at James, who tried to kick him.  
  
As the foursome ran down the hill towards the carriages, Narcissa felt light and free and airy. With Remus clutching her hand protectively, nothing was holding her down - not even that mysterious letter from Lucius Malfoy. 


	4. Narcissa's choice

Monday evening, Narcissa stood waiting outside of Dumbledore's office, chewing on one of her perfect fingernails nervously. She had been waiting there for almost an hour now, for Dumbledore to let her in and send her through his fire to the Malfoy's mansion.  
  
She turned to Remus, who was standing next to her, "You don't have to hang about, you know," she said softly, "I don't know how much longer it is going to be."  
  
Remus kissed her hand and smiled at her, "I know," he said, "I wanted to stay with you. I love you, remember?" The smile on his face looked rather forced, as if he was trying to seem less nervous than he really was. Narcissa knew he did not want her going at all. They had argued about it more than once, yesterday.  
  
"You look beautiful," Remus said quickly, as if trying to make her pay attention to him. It wasn't just a compliment; Narcissa looked lovely. Keeping in mind that Lucius was almost five years older than she was, she had picked out a mature-looking ice-blue sheath dress that made her eyes shine like jewels, and a slim diamond bracelet that had been a gift from her father for her sixteenth birthday. With her lovely blonde hair piled on top of her head, Narcissa was sure she could pass for eighteen. Maybe even twenty.  
  
"Thank you," she smiled at him. She wished she didn't feel so nervous. It's just a dinner date, she thought. I'll tell him right off what I want: to break the engagement and to marry Remus. And I don't care what he says. He can't make me marry him.  
  
Remus was digging around in his pocket. "I bought you something the other day in Hogsmeade," he said quickly. "Before we met at the Three Broomsticks. It's, well, it's nothing special." He pulled a silver- wrapped box and put it into her hand.  
  
Narcissa unwrapped the silver foil and slowly lifted the lid. Inside the box, nestled in a bed of cotton, was a pendant. In the middle of the pendant was a perfect star sapphire.  
  
"Oh, Remus," she murmured, stroking the stone with her fingers, "It's beautiful."  
  
"I thought of you when I saw it," Remus said awkwardly, "Because your eyes are kind of the same color as sapphires, and, well, sometimes, when I look into them, I feel like I can see the stars."  
  
The speech was delivered very clumsily, but Narcissa wouldn't have been happier if it had been a Shakespearean sonnet. She turned her back and handed Remus the box, "Do it up for me?" she asked.  
  
Remus carefully removed the pendant and draped the thin silver chain around her neck. As he fastened it, he dropped a little kiss at the base of her shoulder. Narcissa laughed softly.  
  
"You make it prettier than it is, even," he told her shyly.  
  
"And you make me the happiest girl in the world," she told him.  
  
Suddenly, in front of them, the huge ornate griffin began to move slowly upward. In its place, in a beam of light from upstairs, there appeared a flight of curvy stairs, moving ever so slowly above her. It was the entrance to Dumbledore's office.  
  
Narcissa turned to Remus. His face was composed, but his eyes were fearful and pleading, "Must you go?" he asked.  
  
She gave him a sad little smile, "Don't look so worried. I won't be long."  
  
As she turned to leave, Remus clutched at her hand and pulled her back. Narcissa's expression was one of surprise as she faced him. He kissed her long and full on the lips.  
  
"Remus, what is it?" she asked, stroking his face with one hand, "One might think you thought something would happen to me."  
  
"I had a dream last night," Remus whispered, "that you left me. And you didn't return."  
  
Narcissa felt cold. She brushed a light brown strand of hair out of his eyes.  
  
"I'm coming back," she said.  
  
And Remus let go of her. She turned and stepped onto the revolving staircase, and turned to look at him as she ascended. Remus' eyes were pleading, begging, as if he was trying to make her hear something.  
  
"Don't forget me."  
  
* * *  
  
Only minutes later, she was standing in the ornate marble dining room fireplace of the Malfoy's manor. She coughed, trying to brush black soot out of her shimmering hair and eyes.  
  
"Ah, Miss Black. So you have arrived at last."  
  
She opened her eyes.  
  
Standing before her was Lucius Malfoy, just as she remembered him. Twenty years old, with long, sleek white-blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail, and gray eyes like steel. He was wearing a set of black dress robes with silver trim. The walking-stick he was leaning on was a Malfoy heirloom. Inside it, Lucius kept his wand.  
  
He walked over to the fireplace and extended one graceful hand. She took it warily and stepped out into the glittering bright dining room. Everything was polished and shined to a sleek brightness that almost blinded her. The table was draped in a rose-colored tablecloth and decked out in silver candelabras and the Malfoy family china. Something delicious was cooking, but Narcissa couldn't tell exactly what.  
  
"Please, sit down, my dear," Lucius said, pulling out one of the mahogany chairs, "We have much to talk about."  
  
"We do," Narcissa hesitated, but didn't sit down. "I came here to discuss something with you, Lucius. About our wedding."  
  
"Indeed?" Lucius smiled slightly. His eyebrows shifted slightly, but other than that, no change. This was going to be more difficult than she thought. "Yes." She twisted her fingers in her hands. "I suppose my parents have told you about my sister Andromeda."  
  
"I might have heard a thing or two in the grapevine," Lucius replied mildly. "What does your sister have to do with us?"  
  
"She spoke to me just before she eloped with Mr. Tonks," Narcissa replied. "And her letter made me think. Really think."  
  
"About?"  
  
"About, well, about the direction my life is taking," Narcissa said.  
  
Lucius didn't say anything. He just watched her.  
  
"There's no easy way for me to say what I have to say," Narcissa said, "So I'll just have to say it." She took a deep breath. "I can't marry you, Lucius."  
  
Silence.  
  
Lucius stared at her for a minute, and then said, "So you're breaking our engagement, Narcissa?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
He picked up a goblet on the table and poured a glass of wine. "Sit please," he said, placing the goblet back on the table.  
  
"No, really, it's not necessary - "  
  
"I insist," Lucius said, "There is no reason we can't talk this out like civilized people."  
  
And Remus thought he would hurt me! Narcissa thought incredulously. She sat down in the proffered seat, taking the goblet in her hand and taking a sip. She tried not to make a face.  
  
"Ah, I forget how young you are," Lucius said dryly. He sat down in a chair across the table from her. "So, this is why you came here tonight, I suppose. To break our engagement."  
  
"Yes," she replied, "I didn't want to write it in a letter. I figured it would be the better thing to do, to tell you in person."  
  
"It was the better thing to do, Narcissa," Lucius said, "Because now I must tell you that you are most certainly not going to break the engagement."  
  
At first, she didn't understand him. Perhaps he was kidding, a cruel joke. But she looked into his eyes like gray iron and knew that he was serious.  
  
"I'm not?" she asked warily.  
  
"I received a very interesting letter last Tuesday," Lucius went on as if she hadn't spoken. "Someone informed me that you have been cavorting around with a lover. Is this true?"  
  
"No," Narcissa said, too quickly.  
  
Lucius looked at her intently, "Narcissa, darling," he said acidly, "You might at least do me the honor of the truth." He poured himself a glass of wine. "I hear that you have been carrying on with someone called Remus Lupin."  
  
Narcissa's eyes widened. Who had told? How had they known?  
  
"Lucius," she began.  
  
"Now I am going to tell you what I brought you here for," Lucius said, rising to his feet and walking over to her. He braced his arms on the table and leaned in so he was almost touching her, "You are to go back to school and inform Remus Lupin that he is not to see you ever again. You will never have contact with him. You will break this little tryst of yours. And you WILL marry me. Next Saturday."  
  
"Next Saturday?" Narcissa felt faint.  
  
"I have already contacted your parents, and they have made the necessary preparations." Lucius smiled, "I told them how my pretty little bride was bored stiff with school, and couldn't wait to be done with the whole thing."  
  
"What?" Narcissa asked, feeling as if she was falling into a deep pit, "I'm leaving school?"  
  
"What use is graduating?" Lucius demanded, "As my wife you have no need for a job. You will lack nothing. You will live here with the wealth that I provide for you. There is nothing else you need in life."  
  
"I won't do it!"  
  
Narcissa found her voice at last. She pushed back her chair and rose to her feet. "I won't marry you, Lucius Malfoy! I'm in love with Remus. And I don't care how poor he is or how I'll have to work, I'll marry him because I love him! And there's nothing you can do about it!"  
  
She caught a glimpse of Lucius' clenched teeth before a resounding slap drove her to the floor. Her eyes filled with tears and she stared up at him in stupefied shock. She couldn't believe that he had struck her. She touched her already-bruising cheek in terror and pain.  
  
Lucius yanked her to her feet, until she was face-to-face with him.  
  
"If you marry him," he spat, "I will tell the world what he is."  
  
Narcissa's heart dropped.  
  
"You don't know," she whispered, "You couldn't know."  
  
"But I do know, stupid girl," Lucius seethed, "And if you leave tonight without breaking your relationship with him, I will tell the world. I will make sure that the words 'Remus Lupin' and 'werewolf' will be synonymous everywhere in England, even in the world! Nowhere he goes will be safe for him. He'll probably be killed straight off!"  
  
"No!" Narcissa cried, covering her face with her hands in agony, "No, please!"  
  
"There's nothing that will make me change my mind," Lucius replied stonily, "It's up to you now, Narcissa. Marry me, or I'll expose your beloved to the world."  
  
He's evil, Narcissa thought desperately. He's mad, he's horrible, and he's wicked.  
  
And he's going to make sure Remus is killed if I leave him.  
  
"And another thing, darling," Lucius was saying, "If you tell this - any of this! - to anyone, I will make DOUBLY sure that Remus is killed. And you know I can do it."  
  
"Please," Narcissa sobbed, "Please, Lucius."  
  
"It is in your hands now, dear Narcissa," Lucius went on acidly, leading Narcissa to the fireplace and pushing her inside of it. Taking a handful of Floo powder, he smirked at her. "I trust you will make the right decision."  
  
He hurled the powder into the fireplace, and his twisted face vanished in a blaze of green fire.  
  
* * *  
  
Narcissa pitched forward in Dumbledore's fire, sobbing uncontrollably. Through the haze of tears, she thought she saw Dumbledore's kindly face leaning towards her. But it was nothing but one of the old portraits on the wall. Dumbledore was at a staff meeting until late tonight, as he had told her. There was nobody there.  
  
She ran over to the staircase and flung herself downstairs, praying that Remus wasn't there. She couldn't face his protective, loving face at that moment, couldn't tell him what she had to do. To look into those eyes and kill them before her would be hell itself. She tore down the hallway and pushed her way into the Slytherin common room. There was nobody awake this late. Everyone was in bed.  
  
She sat down on one of the green velvet sofas and stared into the flickering flames. Thoughts and images fluttered through her mind. Remus' face. Lucius' stare. Her beating heart.  
  
She knew what she had to do.  
  
And the thought broke her heart.  
  
She dropped her face into her hands and sobbed harder.  
  
Somewhere behind her, a face in the darkness watched the pitiful scene. For a moment, he regretted what he had done. But it was too late to undo it now. 


	5. Remus betrayed

Narcissa stood outside the school, in the very same place that she had first told Remus she loved him. Somehow, although it seemed almost sacrilegious, she felt she had to do it here. She had to tell Remus here, in this place. Today, before she lost her nerve.  
  
She closed her eyes, trying to remember what she was going to say. She had tried rehearsing her speech while she dressed. She had put on a white sweater and slim skirt, and had brushed her blonde hair back into a headband. She knew she looked beautiful, but looking in the mirror, she didn't see anything except a young girl who had been defeated.  
  
Today, she would lose everything that was important to her. Today, it would be over.  
  
It had to be today, because she was leaving school on Friday. Saturday, she would be Mrs. Lucius Malfoy.  
  
Narcissa turned and fell against the statue, not caring that grit was getting into her clothes, not caring that the wind had picked up, and was growing colder. She tried to hold back the tears. She couldn't cry, not yet at least. She had to pretend. She had to be a great actress, just today.  
  
Behind her, the door opened. She whirled around.  
  
Remus was standing there, looking a little standoffish. He walked towards her, ever so slightly, a little warily.  
  
"Narcissa," he said simply.  
  
She inclined her head slowly, in acknowledgement. Be strong, she thought to herself. It will be over soon.  
  
"How are you?" she asked him, her voice cracking a little. She cleared it quickly.  
  
"A little - confused," Remus answered. He hesitated, and then said, "You haven't seen me in more than three days, Narcissa. I thought that we had agreed we would meet when you came home from the Malfoy's. But I haven't heard anything from you."  
  
"I know," Narcissa said, "I'm sorry."  
  
"No, don't be," he replied quickly, "I should have known that you might want some time - to think things through." He walked towards her again and reached for her hand. "I just worried - that something might have happened to you." He bent to kiss her, but Narcissa pulled away.  
  
Remus stared at her, "What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
He pulled away, looking surprised, "Something must be wrong. You've never pulled away from me like that before."  
  
Narcissa stared at the ground. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, she thought desperately.  
  
"What is it, Narcissa?" Remus whispered, "You can tell me anything, you know that."  
  
It was too much. Narcissa turned to the statue again. "Why?" she burst out, without meaning to.  
  
"Why what? What's wrong?" Remus cried. He touched her on the shoulder.  
  
"Why do you - why do you have to be so - " Narcissa could hardly form the words.  
  
Remus stopped in his tracks, "Narcissa, what is it?"  
  
She turned to look at him. Remus was shocked by the look in her blue eyes. Something had changed in them. She had always looked quiet, shy, a little reserved. But today her eyes had a look of desperation, as if she were drowning in a stream and needed someone to pull her out. He was terrified by them.  
  
"Please tell me," he begged, "It can't be as bad as you are making it look with your eyes."  
  
Narcissa looked into those beautiful eyes and tried to find a courage she didn't think she had. She wanted to touch him, wanted to kiss him, wanted to tell him everything and hang whatever Lucius Malfoy did. But she knew that if she did that, she would be signing Remus' death warrant. And she could never do that. She loved him far too much.  
  
Inside her eyes, she knew she was begging him to stop her, asking him to understand that she was lying. She wanted him to stop the tide from covering her and killing her, sweeping her body away somewhere she didn't want to be. But she couldn't let him know how she felt. If he died, he wasn't going to die by her hand.  
  
"Remus," she said, "it's over between us."  
  
Time seemed to slow down. Remus felt as if his heart had stopped in his chest. He willed it to keep beating. He stared at Narcissa, "What do you mean?" he managed.  
  
"I mean," she said, staring somewhere behind him, "that I went to the Malfoy's, and I realized that I really do care for Lucius Malfoy, and that I have to marry him. I do. And so I want to tell you - it's over, Remus. We can't be together. I care for you, this is true, but I love him. And this is just the way it has to be."  
  
"You - you can't be serious," Remus broke out, "you can't be telling me the truth. You couldn't have said everything to me and just take it back now. You must be lying!"  
  
Narcissa turned her back on him again. She clutched the statue with her hands. "It's the truth," she replied, "I'm sorry, Remus. I never meant to lead you on."  
  
"You weren't leading me on!" Remus cried, "You said you loved me! You meant it, and I know you meant it! You can't mean this!"  
  
Narcissa felt her shoulders shaking. Just a few more minutes, she thought brokenly.  
  
"Please, Remus," she said, "let me go."  
  
Behind her, she could feel Remus' shoulders heaving. She could hear him breathing hard. She didn't know what must be going through his mind right now, but she could imagine. For several minutes, he just stood there silently. Then he whispered, "If that is what you want, Narcissa, that's what I'll do."  
  
"It's what I want," she replied without turning around.  
  
She heard him walking away slowly. Just before he opened the door, he stopped and turned back for a minute. "I hope you know that this doesn't mean that I will stop loving you," he told her. "I'm going to love you until the end of time, and I don't care if you don't love me back." His voice cracked, like hers had, but he steadied it before he said, "When I said I love you, I meant every word of it. And I always will."  
  
The door shut behind him. Narcissa turned back sharply at the resounding thud. The wind was colder than it had been before, and it whipped through her golden locks. The tears were streaming down her face again. She stared towards the door and whispered, "I meant it, too, Remus."  
  
* * *  
  
For the rest of the week, Narcissa managed to avoid Remus. She went to Dumbledore and announced her formal resignation from Hogwarts. He was surprised, to say the least. "I had thought," he had said to her mildly, "that you would be interested in finishing your education."  
  
Narcissa had kept her eyes straight forward and had answered as if in monologue, "I wish to be married immediately. That's really all that's important to me right now."  
  
Dumbledore had raised his eyebrows, but had said nothing. He had allowed her withdraw from school without another word, until she went to leave. As she was heading for the staircase, he had said, "We will certainly miss you here - some I think much more than others."  
  
Narcissa had looked up at him quickly. He looked at her with a knowing look, as if perhaps he knew exactly what was going on between her and Remus. But Narcissa knew that if she said anything to him, she would lose her resolve again. She only nodded her head and walked out of his office.  
  
Late on Thursday afternoon, while she was finishing packing the rest of her luggage, she found a book of spells and incantations that she had borrowed a few weeks ago from Lily Evans. She would go and return it before the end of the day, and say goodbye to Lily and James. She knew she couldn't say goodbye to Remus. It would be too hard.  
  
But as she walked down the hallway, she noticed that several students were staring at her oddly. Many of them were holding newspapers in their hands. They whispered behind their hands and kept staring at her. She had the nasty suspicion that they were talking about her behind her back. Oh well, she thought, holding her head high. I'm leaving tomorrow anyway.  
  
When she came to the Gryffindor common room, she asked a student to run in and get Lily Evans for her. But as the student walked in, Remus Lupin came bursting out. His eyes were blazing, and he looked as if he would like to kill someone.  
  
"Remus!" Narcissa cried, "What is it?"  
  
Remus stared at her, "You - you -." He clenched his hands into fists, one of them balled around The Daily Prophet, "How could you? How could you do this?"  
  
Narcissa was shocked. He was angry at her? "How could I do what? What are you talking about?" she asked him incredulously.  
  
Remus tossed the paper at her, "Look at this. Explain it to me. I can understand that you wanted me out of your life, but that you could do a thing like this!"  
  
Narcissa unfolded the paper and gasped. On the cover was a picture of Remus, taken two years ago when he was made a prefect. He was frowning almost malevolently at her from his picture. Above the article and photograph, in three-each font, were the words "HOGWARTS STUDENT A KNOWN WEREWOLF."  
  
"But - how?" Narcissa managed.  
  
"What do you mean, 'how'?" mimicked Remus acidly, "It says right there that a certain Lucius Malfoy told the newspapers what I am." He was so angry that he was shaking, "And there's only one person who could have told him that!"  
  
"You don't think - Remus, I would never have told him!"  
  
"Right," Remus snapped, "I suppose he thought of it all by himself!"  
  
"I don't know how he found out," Narcissa cried, "But it wasn't through me."  
  
Remus snatched the paper away from her, "Forget it. You don't owe me anything." He glared at her again, "But I thought that just maybe, I had meant something to you as a friend, and that if your words meant nothing, you might at least have known what was important and what should remain a secret."  
  
"I do know!" Narcissa yelled, angry tears welling in her eyes, "And I didn't tell him, Remus, you have to believe me!"  
  
Remus stared at her for a minute. He just shook his head, "You're not the woman I thought you were," he answered.  
  
Narcissa stared back in mute despair.  
  
"You asked me to let you go," Remus went on, folding the paper slowly and deliberately, "Well, now I am. Go now, and never look for me again. I never want to see you, not for the rest of my life."  
  
Then he turned and walked back through the portrait hole, leaving Narcissa standing there, tears in her eyes and dismay written all over her face. For once, she had been innocent. But there was no way to tell Remus now.  
  
She would never see him again. 


	6. The love of a mother

* * * Twenty Years Later * * *  
  
Narcissa Black (now Narcissa Malfoy) woke in the middle of the night with a frightened start. Someone was in her room. And it was Lucius.  
  
Where was Lucius? He'd been gone for hours, ever since he had left during dinner. He hadn't explained anything – only picked up his wand and said, "I must leave, Narcissa."  
  
"Where are you going?" she had asked, rising to her feet.  
  
"None of your business!" Lucius had snapped.  
  
Narcissa had sat down quickly. Twenty years with Lucius had taught her not to argue with Lucius when he was in a mood – or at all, really. That one slap had only been the beginning...  
  
"When will you be back?" she had asked quietly.  
  
Lucius hadn't bothered to answer. He had merely opened the door to the dining room and swept out.  
  
* * *  
  
Narcissa had been idle for the rest of the night. She was filled with an odd sensation that something was not right. With nothing to do and too much on her mind, she had penned at letter to her fifteen-year-old son, Draco, who was away at school. The months were lonely, and she longed to see him again. But she was glad he was at school.  
  
Ever since Draco had been born, Lucius had hinted that he wasn't a proper son, not good enough for the name Malfoy. Once he had even hinted that he was "Lupin's son". Narcissa had flown at him in a rage – that little antic had cost her a broken jaw.  
  
So yes, it was better that Draco was away. But Narcissa missed him. After years of living without love, she had thought she would never need it. That brief time with Remus had made her realize that not only did she need love, she longed for it with every fiber of her being. She knew she would love Remus for the rest of her life. Consequently, she was doomed to never love another.  
  
Until Draco was born.  
  
The minute the healer had placed the baby boy in Narcissa's arms, she had fallen completely head-over-heels in love. Never mind that Lucius wasn't the man of her choice. This baby she would love so purely, she would never long for anything again. Oh, she would always love Remus, deep inside her heart where all of her deepest longings lay, but she was going to feel again – she was going to love this baby more than anything in the world. She loved everything about him – from the flaxen hair on his head to his little pointed nose, to his cornflower blue eyes that eventually paled into his father's gray.  
  
But when Draco was four – that was when Narcissa and Lucius had had the horrible confrontation over him.  
  
Narcissa had been visiting her parents, a visit of duty more than out of love. Her parents had not been the same since Bellatrix and Rodolphus had been imprisoned three years earlier. Andromeda was pleading with them for forgiveness, but they still would not give it – not even when she showed them a picture of her seven-year-old daughter, Nymphadora, a charming little girl with blue braids, a Metamorphmagus, as Narcissa had heard. Their hearts were as cold as stone, Narcissa had thought, as she left their house.  
  
When she came home, the Malfoy mansion was dark. No servant greeted her at the door to take her coat. No laughing, sunny-faced little boy ran to her for a hug. With a sense of foreboding, Narcissa began a long, slow walk up the stairs, calling for her son, even for her husband.  
  
Outside of Lucius' study, she had paused. There was the sound of muffled shouting, and a little boy's sobs. Narcissa's heart clenched and she flung open the door.  
  
Draco was crouched on the floor, his hands covering his baby blonde hair, tears streaming down his face. Lucius was pounding him with his signature walking stick, shouting angrily at him.  
  
"My son will not be seen in the company of Mudbloods! Do you understand, Draco? Do you? Do you?"  
  
"No!" Narcissa screamed, "Don't hit him!" She darted across the floor and started beating Lucius with her fists, "Don't hurt him, Lucius! Stop it!"  
  
WHAM! Lucius brought his stick down on her head. Narcissa fell to the floor, stunned. With a shuddering cry, Draco fled to his mother, throwing his little arms around her and howling in terror and pain. Blindly, Narcissa felt around him and drew him close, shielding him with her body.  
  
Lucius was breathing heavily. He threw the stick aside and yanked Narcissa to her feet with one hand, "Don't you ever defy me again in front of our son," he hissed.  
  
"I cannot let you hurt him!" she cried shrilly, "I can't let you hurt our son, Lucius! For God's sake, he's only a baby!"  
  
"He is four years old, that is quite old enough to know what is expected of him, and to know to obey his father without question!"  
  
"It is not right for you to hurt him!"  
  
"I will discipline my son as I see fit!" Lucius seethed, clenching Narcissa's fist so hard that she was sure it was going to break between his fingers. She winced. At her feet, Draco continued rocking back and forth, crying hard.  
  
"As long as I have breath in my body," Narcissa whispered, "I cannot let you harm my son."  
  
Lucius stared at her with new eyes, knowing at last that she spoke nothing but the plain and simple truth. She was shorter than him by nearly a head, and she was much thinner and not very strong, but he knew that as long as she was alive, he could not hurt their son.  
  
"Then you shall not see him," he said decidedly.  
  
Narcissa's blue eyes widened, "What?"  
  
"If you will not let me handle my own son," he said simply, "then I shall remove you from his presence."  
  
"You...you cannot do that," Narcissa whispered.  
  
"I can and I will," Lucius replied, "From now on, your time with Draco is restricted to an hour a week. And you will obey this rule, Narcissa. When you are with Draco, you will limit your conversation to talk about the weather and about his lessons – that is sufficient. I will make sure that the house elf watches you together." He paused, "You may, if you wish, observe his fencing lessons; I have no problems with that arrangement. But other than that, you will not interfere."  
  
He let her wrist go and picked up Draco.  
  
"I shall have Dobby move your quarters to the West Wing of the house," he said offhandedly, "There you will not be disturbed by Draco's childish needs."  
  
And he walked out of the room, with a sobbing child hanging over his shoulder. Narcissa dropped her face into her hands and cried bitterly. For only the second time in her life, she had lost the most precious person in her life.  
  
* * *  
  
Life had gone on in this pattern for years. Draco and Narcissa rarely spoke, and when they did, it was of the weather or his lessons. Sometimes he would come in and lean against his plush chair gingerly, as if he were in pain, and Narcissa knew that Lucius' methods of discipline had not changed one iota. The times she liked best were his fencing lessons.  
  
Under the tutelage of Monsieur du Bois, Narcissa's old fencing master, Draco had become a very avid fencer. When she was younger, Narcissa had been Girls' Champion of Western England, but she could see, with pride, that Draco was going to surpass her.  
  
There was little else she could be proud of in Draco, Narcissa thought often, with a terrible sadness in her heart. Years of being raised only by his father had made Draco hard and cold and bitter, just as she was sure Lucius had learned from his father. He was sullen and quiet most of the time, imperious with the servants, and a poor student, for the most part. She was terribly sad that it had come to this. Draco had had so much potential, and now she felt that Lucius had ruined him.  
  
But there was still time...there was always time. But would Lucius ever remove his viselike grip from Draco's upbringing?  
  
But none of these things were going through Narcissa's mind as she stared into the blackness of her bedroom, her hand on the cold place where Lucius' body should have been.  
  
"Who is there?" she whispered hoarsely. "Show yourself!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"I demand that you answer me!" Narcissa said, louder now, trying to hide a quavering voice. "As you wish."  
  
A light went on, blinding her with its brightness. She shielded her eyes from the glare and stared. Standing at the foot of her bed were several members of the Ministry's Magical Law Enforcement.  
  
"You need to come with us, Mrs. Malfoy," one of them said grimly.  
  
* * *  
  
"I didn't have anything to do with it," Narcissa protested for what felt like the millionth time that night, "You have to believe me, please."  
  
"We're trying to believe you," one of the wizards said, a man with sandy blonde hair who was staring around the room wearily, "But you have to admit, Mrs. Malfoy, that although there is no evidence that you were allied with the Death Eaters, your husband's conduct around you has been nothing but disastrous."  
  
"What he's saying," broke in a dark-haired wizard with steely eyes, "is that it's hard for us to believe that you knew nothing about what was going on."  
  
"But I didn't," Narcissa whispered, "I didn't. You have to believe me."  
  
She wrapped her arms around her white dressing robe. Its velvet-lined silk was no match against the chilling cold of the little cell which they had brought her to in order to interrogate her. She pushed a stray lock of blonde hair out of her face and looked miserable.  
  
"Your sister is Bellatrix Lestrange, is that true, Mrs. Malfoy?" the sandy- haired wizard asked.  
  
"You asked me that already."  
  
"Answer the question!" said the dark-haired one.  
  
"Yes," Narcissa snapped, "Yes, yes, yes! But we haven't spoken since she was arrested, and not for nearly a year before that, either!"  
  
"And your husband?" the dark wizard demanded, "What of him?"  
  
"I told you," Narcissa said wearily, "I knew that he was hiding something. I was sure it was infidelity or the like, since he'd been exonerated years before. I was sure he wouldn't do something so stupid again."  
  
"Your son?" the sandy wizard checked a file, "A Draco Malfoy? What about him?"  
  
"Draco?" Narcissa shook her head, "Draco's a child, he's but fifteen. There's no way that he's involved in any of this."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
Narcissa stared up at the man, "Interrogate him if you wish. He's coming home in three days, on the Hogwarts Express." "We will do that," the dark wizard said.  
  
The sandy wizard gave him a look, "I think we've said all that needs to be said here," He said warmly, "You can go, Mrs. Malfoy. I'm sorry to give you such a shock."  
  
It's not a shock, Narcissa thought as she left the building, heading towards the stop for the Knight Bus. It's a relief. Lucius was going to prison for life. She would never be harmed again.  
  
Now all that was needed was to reconcile with Draco.  
  
* * *  
  
Narcissa never went to meet Draco on the Hogwarts Express. She was especially glad that she wasn't going to meet him today. She had received an owl from a servant that he had been hexed very badly by a few of his classmates and had had to be un-hexed at the train station.  
  
"He was very angry, my lady," the young maid had said, shivering, when she related the story. "He was yelling at young Harry Potter, saying that he'd get him for landing his father in prison if it was the last thing he ever did. He's in a dreadful humor, my lady, I don't recommend going to see him tonight."  
  
"I must see him," Narcissa had said helplessly, "I have to make him understand. He has to know...that life is going to be different from now on. And that his father wasn't the good man that he brought Draco up to believe that he was."  
  
For the first time in the twenty years she had been married to Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa went into her son's room without looking impeccable. Her long blonde hair was hanging in ringlets around her face; she wore no makeup and an older dress that Lucius had forbidden her to wear in his presence. She twisted her fingers into each other, her old nervous habit coming back.  
  
She was thirty-six years old, and she didn't know how to speak to her only son.  
  
She pushed open his door.  
  
Draco was sitting at his desk, staring at something in front of him. A book. Narcissa hadn't known that Draco liked to read; in fact, his poor grammar often disputed it. But no – he wasn't reading, he was writing. He was keeping a journal. Was he writing his anger and humiliation at his father's arrest? Narcissa's face burned to think of what she was about to do.  
  
"Draco," she said simply.  
  
He turned and looked at her.  
  
Narcissa had not known what to expect when Draco took his first look at her since he came home, his first glance at her without his father's tyrannical hand over him. She had prepared herself for anger, humiliation, disgust, fury, a whole bunch of emotions that she did not know how to handle. But she wasn't prepared for the look of tired relief and adoration on his face when he gazed upon her.  
  
"Mother," he replied by way of a greeting.  
  
Maybe he's delusional, Narcissa thought desperately. Maybe something's wrong with him. Maybe he needs some help. I must be gentle.  
  
"There's something I have to tell you," she began awkwardly.  
  
But Draco only shook his head.  
  
"Father's never coming home," he said, "And from now on, you're free."  
  
And he stood up, walked across the floor, and into the arms of the mother he'd longed for since the day he was four years old. 


	7. More than he bargained for

That summer was the best that Narcissa had ever known. Days seemed to just trip by like water down a slope, staying too short to be remembered and leaving too much of an impression to ever be forgotten.  
  
She and Draco fairly lived outdoors, spending all of their time outside of the gloomy mansion and at places like the beach or in London. The house seemed now to be a mausoleum to the horrid lives that neither of them wished to discuss, and Narcissa had thoughts of selling it.  
  
"Now that your father is gone," she said one day as she watched Draco practice Summoning Spells in the backyard, out of Muggle view, "I can't see any reason to stay here any longer."  
  
"Where shall we live, then?" Draco had asked, Summoning his broomstick and hopping on it, hovering idly above the ground.  
  
Narcissa shrugged, "I really don't care. We'll find some place. It doesn't really matter." She took off her lavender sun hat and shook out her cascade of still-shining blonde hair, which rippled down her back in the warm sunlight.  
  
"You're happy now, aren't you, Mother?" Draco asked.  
  
"I am, actually," Narcissa smiled, "I have all I ever really wanted now, I think."  
  
Draco floated his broomstick over to her. "Mum? Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Certainly. You just did."  
  
"Something else, I mean."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Draco hesitated, "Did you ever think of divorcing Father, remarrying I mean?"  
  
Narcissa tipped her head to the side, "Often, I suppose." She smiled sadly, "We weren't very happily married, you know."  
  
"I gathered," Draco replied, "Arranged marriages never work."  
  
"I agree." Narcissa hesitated, "Draco, darling, I haven't spoken to Rupert and Lisette Parkinson, but if you really don't want to marry their daughter, Pansy, I will tell them we are breaking the engagement."  
  
Draco's head shot up, "D'you mean it, Mum?"  
  
"I do," Narcissa replied firmly, "No son of mine is going to marry someone he doesn't love. The decision shall be yours."  
  
"Good," Draco replied fervently, "Because I always thought Pansy was a horrid sort of girl."  
  
Narcissa smirked, "Her father thinks most highly of you."  
  
"I don't care what he thinks," Draco snorted, "I'm not marrying her, and that's that."  
  
"I'll notify them first thing in the morning, then." Narcissa pulled a piece of parchment and a quill from her bag, and began drafting a quick letter.  
  
Draco watched her intently. His mother wasn't a bad-looking woman at all, for thirty-six. Her hair had no traces of gray in it, although he knew that was because she used a bottle serum on it, to keep it looking fresh and youthful. There were no lines on her face – although there should have been – because of the cosmetic surgery Lucius had insisted that she undergo. She was still slender, small, and perfect, just as she had been years ago. The only part that was different was the blue eyes that betrayed her real age – they showed the years of abuse and hardship she had endured.  
  
"Mum?"  
  
"Yes, dear?"  
  
"If my grandparents hadn't made you marry Father, would you have married someone else?"  
  
"I suppose so, yes."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Gracious, Draco, I don't know. I married your father when I was sixteen, that's awfully young to be making life-changing decisions." But Draco noticed that his mother did not quite meet his eye.  
  
"Was there ever anyone – "  
  
"Now, stop," Narcissa said, looking up at him evenly, "It's high time that you went in and got washed up for supper. Scoot!" And she swatted him playfully with one hand as he fluttered the broomstick out of the way.  
  
"Yes, Mum." And Draco jumped off of the broom and ambled towards the doorway, careful to notice the look of bitterness crossing his mother's lovely face.  
  
* * *  
  
There is a secret to this family, Draco thought stubbornly. And if Mother won't tell me what it is, I'll find it out for myself.  
  
It was late at night, and Narcissa had long since gone to bed. So had the maids. Draco knew that he was supposed to be asleep, but something had kept him awake – the thought that his mother was lying to him for the first time in sixteen years.  
  
Draco wasn't lying when he said he didn't miss his father. His father had always been like an iceberg in his life – cold and remote, looming over him. And like an iceberg to the Titanic, he had always been his downfall. But no longer. Draco was determined to find out about his mother's past, how she had come to this fate. And he would find it out tonight.  
  
He could barely remember back to the days when his mother had been banished to the West Wing of the house. She had been moved back into Lucius' room when Draco had been sent away to school – when she could no longer corrupt his childhood. But Draco could remember that room in the West Wing – the room with the mahogany door, that he was never allowed to enter, not ever. But he knew where it was.  
  
He whispered, "Lumos." The end of his wand ignited, blazing light into the interior of the room within. He slowly walked into the room and shut the door behind him.  
  
It seemed a delicate, fragile place, just like the delicate woman he knew to be his mother. Everything was covered with a fine layer of dust, and Draco could hardly keep from sneezing. He walked across the floor and gently brushed one hand over the soft satin duvet cover on the ornate bed. This was where Mother slept, he thought, all of those years she slept alone. An image floated across his mind of his mother clutching one satin- covered pillow in the darkness, tears streaming slowly from her eyes in her loneliness.  
  
Why? He thought. Why was she so lonely?  
  
Ever since he had been a child, Draco knew he had a bond with the mother he never saw. She had been as remote to him as a star, but somehow, he had always known how she was feeling. When he would sit with her for tea, he would bend to kiss her cheek – and see what she had been feeling the night before. Sometimes she would be happy – but it wasn't often. Most of the time she was lonely or scared or in some sort of pain. He could feel flashes of her memory. It was constant, never-changing. And he couldn't stand it.  
  
He had thought it would end when Lucius was gone. He had thought that she would be happy at last. And Lucius was gone. Narcissa was smiling. But she wasn't happy.  
  
I'm going to find out what it was that made her sad, he thought. And I'm going to make sure she never wants for anything again.  
  
He drifted over to her closet and opened the door. Thousands of dresses and robes greeted him, their soft slippery materials all floating together in a sea of fabric. He brushed them with his hand, feeling nothing but indifference. He could recall his mother's bored expressions at his father's millions of dinner parties over the years – like she couldn't care less. There was nothing here that he could use.  
  
Leaving the closet door open, he walked over to his mother's vanity table. The end of his wand glowed eerily in the reflection of the mirror. He shifted brushes and combs and bottles of hair serum, and then his hand closed over the ornate silver jewel box.  
  
Something like electricity shot up his arm. There's something in there, he thought. He pushed the lid aside and began to sort through the layers of velvet that had been piled inside.  
  
Lying at the bottom of the box was a beautiful pendant. At the end of a long silver chain was a single perfect star sapphire, set ornately in the pendant. Draco didn't know anything about jewelry, but he knew that this was something that had been expensive. He reached in and lifted it out.  
  
It was as if he was transported into another body. Standing before him was a beautiful blonde girl, wearing a pale blue sheath dress and turning her back on him. She gestured towards the back of her neck, "Do it up for me?" she asked.  
  
As if willing themselves to, Draco's hands lifted the chain and draped it about her neck. He fastened it in the back.  
  
The girl touched the pendant with her fingers. And then she turned around.  
  
It was Narcissa. Draco gasped. An obviously younger Narcissa of course – probably no older than sixteen – but impossibly Narcissa. He tried to reach out for her, but in an instant the vision shimmered and vanished, leaving him standing motionlessly in the dark room, still holding on to his wand and the pendant.  
  
What had that been about? Draco shook his head. Had he been daydreaming? No, it had been real. All of it had been real.  
  
And what was that in the box? Draco reached back into the jewelry box and pulled out several sheets of parchment. All of them were relatively old – dated back twenty years! He opened one up and began reading.  
  
"Remus (the letter said) – I know that I can never take back what happened. I wish I could see you again, make you understand why I did what I have done. I love with every piece of my heart and soul, and every day that I am without you, I feel my heart grow heavier. You seek to punish me by never speaking to me again, but what you don't realize is that I have already been punished, many times over. I love you with all of my heart, Remus, but I can never tell you this. And I shall never fall in love with another. I cannot make you believe me – but at least I can send you this letter, and beg your forgiveness. I love you. Yours always and forever, Narcissa."  
  
Draco shook his head again. Remus? Remus who? The only Remus he had ever heard of was his old Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher in his third year. Remus Lupin had been youngish, only about thirty-three or so, with light brown hair and sad eyes, and he had always looked worn and patched, as if he couldn't afford better clothes. And then he had turned out to be a werewolf...Good God! Remus Lupin, the werewolf, had been the man his mother was in love with?  
  
He looked at the letter again. There was a postmark on it; she hadn't sent it with a personal owl. And underneath the postmark was another one – showing that the letter had been sent back unopened. This Remus – Lupin or otherwise – hadn't read the letter. By choice? Or had the letter been lost?  
  
It didn't make any sense. Draco put the letter down and picked up another one, one that was dated even earlier. It was from his Aunt Andromeda Tonks, whom his father had said had disgraced his mother's family. He had never met his Aunt Andromeda or his cousin Nymphadora, who was about twenty now. He had heard something about Nymphadora being a Metamorphmagus, but he wasn't sure if that information was correct.  
  
He scanned the letter. It said something about Andromeda's runaway marriage to Ted Tonks, and told Narcissa to follow her heart, rather than her parents' wishes. Draco fervently thanked his mother mentally for breaking his engagement to Pansy Parkinson. Why had his mother not heeded Andromeda's words? Why had she married Lucius Malfoy?  
  
Draco folded the letter up and put it back into the box. There was nothing left. He folded the pendant's chain and laid it in carefully.  
  
He had come no closer to unlocking the secret of his mother's unhappiness than he had been before.  
  
* * *  
  
July tripped by, as did August. And with two weeks remaining until Draco would return to school, he hadn't the heart to confront her about the letters or the sapphire pendant he had found. Narcissa was determined that nothing would mar her son's new happiness – and she did not show how lonely she would feel when Draco went back to school.  
  
"I don't need to return, you know," he had told her, the day his letter from Hogwarts arrived, "I could stay here with you. Father left me enough money, I never need to work."  
  
"You're to finish your education," Narcissa had said firmly, "One school dropout in this family is quite enough, thank you." She examined the booklist, "Well, all of this isn't so expensive, we'll go to Diagon Ally tomorrow to get your things."  
  
"All right," Draco sighed, "It was only an idea."  
  
She looked up at him suddenly, "Are you quite unhappy at school, Draco?"  
  
Draco shrugged.  
  
"I know you better than you think," Narcissa broke in, "Come on, tell me."  
  
Draco stood up and walked over to the fireplace. He put his hands on the mantel and said, "It's just that everyone thinks I'm something I'm not. I'm a Malfoy, therefore I have to be cruel and cold and mean-spirited. It started the first day of school, on the train. Ron Weasley snorted when he heard my name, and I just gave up right then and there. Everyone knew that Malfoys practice the Dark Arts. Everyone knows the Malfoys hate Mudbloods, I mean non-magic people." He pounded his fist against the mantelpiece. "I didn't have a chance to have a new start. I was so scared of being rejected that I went to the only people I knew would accept a Malfoy."  
  
Narcissa felt her heart ache for him, "Do you have any close friends at school, Draco?" she asked.  
  
He shrugged again, "Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle. They're both idiots. They're only my friends because they are too stupid to find any others. Pansy dotes on me and all that, but I think she's horrible and obviously that will change since the engagement was broken." He sighed, "The boys on the Quidditch team hate me because, let's face it, Mum, I'm rubbish as Seeker. I only got the position because of Father's money." He turned to her and crossed his arms over his chest. "Everyone said that starting school would be a new chance for me. I didn't get a chance to make a new start. Father's money and name made it for me."  
  
Narcissa opened her mouth to reply, but she never got a chance.  
  
The flames in the fireplace suddenly glowed green and began to rise up. Draco turned and stared at them fearfully, eyes wide.  
  
"Draco, get away from there!" Narcissa cried. She leapt from her chair and grabbed his arm, throwing him backwards into the room.  
  
The flames danced and shook, and a human form shot out from the fireplace. He shook his head, rose to his feet, and dusted the ash off of his decrepit clothing and out of his matted white-blonde locks.  
  
"Well, well, well," he said, "If it isn't my loving wife and son."  
  
And Lucius Malfoy narrowed his steel-gray eyes malevolently. 


	8. Something worth fighting for

Draco put a protective arm in front of his mother as he stared in horror at the phantom that had appeared before them. Narcissa clutched his shoulders, feeling them tremble beneath her fingers as they inched backwards.  
  
Lucius Malfoy continued to dust the ash from his hair, as if it were a perfectly ordinary thing to have escaped from a lifetime sentence in Azkaban and reappear in the drawing room and into the presence of his wife and son. He shook his long blonde hair and then cracked both of his shoulders.  
  
"Well," he said at last, "you seem to have grown up a bit while I was away, haven't you, boy?"  
  
Draco inclined his head slowly. "Don't," Narcissa whispered, "He's trying to goad you, only trying to make you angry."  
  
"And my darling wife," Lucius broke in loudly, "I see you are still attempting to interfere with my son's upbringing." He walked towards them slowly, with precise steps, "I seem to recall that you stopped doing that after our little chat a few years hence, did you not?"  
  
"I did," Narcissa replied, clenching her teeth, "I should have known better, but I did anyway."  
  
"Should have known better?" Lucius eyebrows lifted in mock surprise, "What could you possibly have done, Narcissa? A talentless little thing like you? You've never hurt anyone, except for one person, as I recall." He smiled smugly, "A certain lover."  
  
Draco turned to look at his mother in amazement. Her eyes were angry and cold, but not desperate, as he had thought they would be, "Draco doesn't need to hear this, Lucius. It's between you and me."  
  
"Indeed," Lucius said softly, "Then I advise that you have the boy stand aside, or better yet, leave the room. He needed see me dispatch his mother for her crimes."  
  
"No!" Draco shouted.  
  
"Draco, stop it!" Narcissa yelled, "And what crimes would those be, Lucius?" she snapped.  
  
"The crime of betrayal!" Lucius hollered.  
  
Narcissa stared at him, "What betrayal? I haven't betrayed you in my life!" She snorted, terror somehow making her bolder, "And if you're going back to the old thing with Remus, then you had really better try and get over it, Lucius. It was twenty years ago!"  
  
"You betrayed me to the Ministry of Magic!" Lucius said. He shoved Draco out of the way and grabbed Narcissa by her long blonde hair, "You knew I was in league with the Dark Lord, and you sold me out."  
  
"What?" Narcissa cried, wincing and scrabbling at his fingers.  
  
"The night that Sirius Black died in the Department of Mysteries," Lucius snarled, "You knew I was leaving. I told you I was leaving, and you must have known somehow. You must have overheard me talking with Peter Pettigrew two nights hence."  
  
"I didn't!" Narcissa cried.  
  
"You did!" he roared. "And you sold me out to the Ministry. You wanted me put in jail, so I could never harm you or your precious son again."  
  
He pulled her face around to his, "But what you didn't know, dear Narcissa, is that the dementors are in league with the Dark Lord now. How do you think your dear sister escaped from prison that first time? So they let me out. The others returned to the Dark Lord, of course. But I told him I had other business to attend to – seeing my wife received the proper reward for paying her debt to society!"  
  
He took his wand out of his pocket and aimed it at Narcissa's chest. "Crucio!" he cried.  
  
Narcissa screamed. White-hot pain seared through her body, electrifying her veins and throwing her to the floor in sheer unadulterated pain. She could barely hear Draco shouting her name through her own terrifying screams. Everything was red with pain, or was it blood? And everything began to go dark. Then Lucius screamed "Crucio!" again. And everything went black.  
  


* * *

  
"No!" Draco screamed, falling on his mother's body, "Mum, no!"  
  
He pushed the blonde hair away so he could see her face. It was contorted with pain, but empty of recognition. Narcissa was unconscious. But she wasn't dead.  
  
One thought went through Draco's head. Convince Father that she's dead, and make him leave her alone.  
  
His shoulders heaving, he spun around, "You – you BASTARD!" he screamed, leaping to his feet and yanking his wand from his pocket. "You've killed her!"  
  
Lucius nodded curtly, "Come, Draco. We're leaving. It's time for you to finally meet your destiny – with the rest of the Dark Lord's followers." He extended one pale, thin hand.  
  
"Are you insane?!?" Draco screamed, "I'll never join you!"  
  
Lucius' eyebrows raised, "Consider your position wisely, boy." He indicated Narcissa's limp form. "This is the way the opponents of the Dark Lord meet their end. They are tortured, beaten, and killed. You don't want that to be your fate, boy. Come with me, and I will make you more powerful than you ever imagined."  
  
"No!" Draco shouted. He raised his wand and yelled, "Expelliarmus!"  
  
But his father was quicker. He blocked the beam of red light and then fired, "Crucio!"  
  
Draco whirled about and blocked the curse as well. The two men stood staring at each other, their shoulders heaving with effort.  
  
"If you will not join me," Lucius said slowly, "Then you will meet your end." He raised his wand. But Draco bolted from the room. I've got to keep him away from Mum, he thought desperately, in case she wakes up and he finds out she's not dead. He ran for the staircase and leapt from the railing to the sofa below in the main hall. The soft velvet broke his fall well, and he jumped up in anticipation of his father.  
  
Lucius had gotten a terrific head start. Before Draco had even jumped he was halfway down the stairs. He aimed his wand at his son and shouted, "Imperio!"  
  
Draco suddenly felt as if the whole world was going soft and fluffy around him. He could hear a dreamlike voice saying, "Go to your father...walk over to him."  
  
No, though Draco, no. He's foul, he's evil, and he's going to hurt me, too.  
  
But the voice was pleading. It's the only way to save your life. You don't want to die, you're only sixteen. And that is terribly young. Go with your father, and you won't die the way your mother did.  
  
But Mother's not dead, Draco thought.  
  
His thoughts snapped and became his own. "Never!" he cried.  
  
Lucius was stunned. "So you know how to defeat an Imperious Curse," he said softly, "That's quite advanced, Draco, I didn't know you knew how." He began to walk towards his son, who eyed him warily.  
  
He screamed "Crucio!" again. And this time, Draco was not prepared.  
  
Draco shrieked. He backed against the sofa in terrific pain, writing and screaming and begging the white-hot pain to cease. He could hear his father laughing in the background. And suddenly the pain ceased.  
  
"I give you one more chance to join me," Lucius said, "or you will die."  
  
Draco turned. Body aching, he limped over to the wall and reached for his fencing sword. He turned to his father, meaning to run him through the heart with it. His mind was dazed and his body was in terrible pain. Then, everything went white. His sword clashed to the floor, seconds before he fell. The last thought he had while conscious was his father's despicable laughter.  
  


* * *

  
Narcissa's eyes fluttered open. Her body felt stiff, in horrible pain. What had happened to her? Then, like a bolt of lightning, she remembered. Lucius! Draco! Was Draco all right?  
  
She dragged her broken body to the landing and gazed through the marble bars of the staircase just in time to see Draco slip and fall to the floor. Lucius was laughing evilly.  
  
"No," she whispered.  
  
Somewhere inside of her, she felt something ignite. Strength, adrenaline or otherwise, flowed through her veins.  
  
This is it, a little voice said. This is what you have been preparing your whole life to do.  
  
But he's strong; Narcissa thought desperately, he's so much stronger than me. How could I ever hope to compete against him?  
  
You've got to, the voice said. Your son's life depends on it.  
  
"My son," Narcissa whispered, "My son."  
  
Gingerly, she rose to her feet. She reached into her pocket for her wand. Her fingers closed over it determinedly.  
  
This is it, she thought. Don't be scared.  
  


* * *

  
Lucius Malfoy turned from his son's broken body. A shame, he thought, that his son had turned out so like Narcissa. The woman's infernal interference had ruined him forever. He shrugged. Oh well, the Dark Lord would take Lucius back, at least. He began to walk to the fireplace.  
  
"Lucius Malfoy!"  
  
He spun about.  
  
Narcissa was standing at the foot of the stairs. Her long blonde hair was loose and scraggly around her face. She looked half-dead. But she clutched her wand in one hand, and her face was oddly determined.  
  
Lucius' eyes widened, "How the devil did you survive?" he asked.  
  
Narcissa didn't answer.  
  
"Enough of your family is dead," he replied, "Bury your son and be content."  
  
Narcissa blocked the image that she knew could not be true. "I challenge you," she said, "to a wizard's duel. To the death."  
  
Lucius laughed, "You? You beat me? Laughable, Narcissa, darling. You dropped out of school. You will never be anything more than a charmingly pretty face, an ornament." He fingered his wand thoughtfully, "You didn't have it in you to confront me when you were sixteen years old. How can you hope to now?"  
  
"That may be true," Narcissa retorted, "But I have something worth fighting for now."  
  
"Oh?" Lucius stepped towards her. His hot breath was on her face, almost in a state of passion, as he grasped one of her arms so tightly Narcissa thought it would break, "And what is that, dear?"  
  
Narcissa closed her eyes and tried to breath. She whispered, "My son."  
  
Snapping her eyes open, she broke Lucius' grip on her arm and threw him behind her. She danced out of his way as he tried to fire another curse at her. She bolted behind the sofa and the Cruciatus Curse was deflected.  
  
She was not stupid. She knew that he was better skilled at her in magical combat. She wasn't strong enough to defeat him in a wizard's duel. But there had to be another way. For the first time in her life, Narcissa could feel that there was a purpose to her very existence. This time, she would not be defeated.  
  
She turned and screamed, "Imperio!"  
  
Lucius was too fast, "Expelliarmus!" he yelled. Fearful of losing her wand, Narcissa dove away, and her aim was off; she missed Lucius by nearly a foot.  
  
"You really hope to defeat me?" Lucius shouted, "When you have never stood up to me in your life?"  
  
"There is always a first time!" Narcissa screamed, standing behind one of the chairs with her wand up.  
  
"I am the Dark Lord's loyal servant," Lucius replied forcefully, "His power runs through my body, and under his protection, no one can defeat me." He sneered, "A helpless little housewife doesn't have a hope."  
  
"Not so helpless!" she shouted. "Crucio!"  
  
Lucius screamed. She had fired right on the mark. But as she had learned way back, if she fired the curse in righteous anger, it didn't register well or stay long. One had to be truly malicious, truly evil, for the curse to take full effect. And she knew, somehow, that she didn't have that.  
  
She didn't need it.  
  
Narcissa ran to her son's crumpled form and seized his sword. She flew at Lucius, just as he was regaining his balance, and stabbed her husband in the chest.  
  
Lucius' gray eyes widened. He stared at her in amazement. "You – you – " he managed.  
  
"Me," Narcissa breathed heavily. "Never underestimate a mother's love for her child."  
  
She let go of the sword.  
  
Lucius staggered back a few feet. He could not take his eyes from her. He yanked the sword out of his chest and let it clatter to the floor. Blood began to pour from the open wound in his chest, and he tried to stop it with one hand. He stumbled and fell against the staircase. He looked from his wound to Narcissa, and then, his head fell back.  
  
Narcissa stood as if rooted to her spot. Slowly, she stepped forward, very aware of the loud noises her shoes were making as she stepped off of the Oriental rug and to the marble floor. Every step seemed to grow louder. She walked over to Lucius' form, sprawled across the staircase.  
  
This had been her husband. This broken, bleeding, lifeless form had once been the body of her husband. She could not understand how such a man had come to this. But most of all, she could not take her eyes from his face. Those steely gray eyes were suddenly at a loss for maliciousness. They were wide-open, staring at nothing. Lucius Malfoy was finally dead.  
  
"Draco," Narcissa suddenly remembered.  
  
Leaving Lucius lying on the staircase, she turned and fled to her son, who lay unconscious on the floor. He can't be dead; she thought desperately, he can't be dead. He is all I have left.  
  
His pale skin was seared with the lines of the curse that had enveloped him and finally claimed him. His face was deathly pallid. She trembled as she checked his throat for a pulse. One, two. Yes! It was there. Draco was alive, but only barely.  
  
Narcissa rocked back on her heels, a real terror slowly rising in her chest. There was no use calling for a servant to help her; she knew that upon Lucius' entrance, all had surely fled. There was no way that she could possibly heal her son; she had no experience at all. She would have to take him somewhere to someone she could trust. And there was no way she could take him to St. Mungo's or the Ministry – they would want to know how she had killed Lucius, and she could not say an Unforgivable Curse – she would be put in prison.  
  
But she knew where she could go.  
  
With terrific effort, she pulled her son up so he was leaning on her. She dragged him over to the fireplace in the main hall, and placed him inside. Struggling, she reached for some Floo powder. Draco stirred and moaned slightly.  
  
"It's all right, Draco," Narcissa whispered, "We're going to be safe."  
  
She raised her fist and screamed, "Albus Dumbledore!"  
  
The powder fell, the fire ignited, and Narcissa and Draco were gone. 


	9. After so much pain

Albus Dumbledore would never have admitted that he had been caught sleeping. Usually he was alert and aware of everything around him, always on his guard. But weariness had forced him into his armchair, and he had fallen asleep, slumped down and snoring lightly.  
  
A blast of warm heat and green light woke him suddenly. A flash of green fire had enveloped his fireplace and was blazing thickly. Dumbledore leapt to his feet, his eyes wide with surprise.  
  
The flames died down, and in their place remained an exhausted and weary middle-aged woman, her arms clutched around an unconscious youth.  
  
"Narcissa Black!" Dumbledore whispered, hardly daring to believe his eyes, "Draco Malfoy! What on earth has happened?"  
  
He waved his wand and moved Draco onto a stretcher that magically appeared on the floor before him. Narcissa stumbled out of the fireplace, not loosing her grasp on her son's limp hand. Her long blonde hair hung loose and matted in her face – she looked exhausted and worried.  
  
"It's finished," she replied frantically, "I couldn't do it any longer, Dumbledore. I couldn't stand it any longer. He was going to kill him, him and me too, and I couldn't just stand by and let it happen, Dumbledore, I couldn't."  
  
"Who did this to him?" Dumbledore murmured, inspecting the curse scars that riddled the boy's body, "To you?"  
  
Narcissa took a deep breath, "It was Lucius. Lucius escaped from prison. I don't know how he did it – he said the dementors were in league with You Know Who." She shivered, "He attacked me – he thought it was my fault that he was in prison, that I had sold him out." She fell into Dumbledore's vacated armchair, which he offered her, "But I didn't do it, I didn't. He attacked me with the Cruciatus Curse. I don't remember anything after that."  
  
"And Draco?"  
  
Narcissa shuddered, "By the time I came to, he was unconscious."  
  
"Where is Lucius now?" Dumbledore demanded, "What happened to him?"  
  
Narcissa threw back her head defiantly. Her blue eyes were even and cold. Dumbledore felt a chill. "What have you done?" he whispered.  
  
"I killed him," Narcissa said, "I couldn't let him murder my son. I had to kill him. It was the only way." The steel went out of her gaze and she began to tremble, "Don't you see, Dumbledore? It was the only way."  
  
"How did you do it?" he asked her.  
  
Narcissa swallowed. "I stabbed him," she whispered, "Through the chest, with Draco's sword." She did not quite meet his eye, but Dumbledore knew she was not telling the whole truth.  
  
He rose to his feet, "In a few hours, Ministry officials will realize that he returned to his home. They will find him dead and realize that you are the one who killed him. You leave me with no choice, Narcissa. You will have to go into hiding." She stared at him, "You – you're not going to turn me in?"  
  
"Listen to me carefully," Dumbledore whispered, "There is a place where I have been hiding all of those whom Voldemort wants dead. They are hidden somewhere he cannot reach, unless I tell him of its location. I am going to hide you there."  
  
"And Draco? Will he be all right?"  
  
"I shall have Mrs. Molly Weasley look after him," Dumbledore said, "I know her to be very capable."  
  
Narcissa frowned, "Who is she? I seem to remember something about the Weasley family – Lucius often talked about an Arthur Weasley."  
  
"Her husband," Dumbledore said, "And I know there was no love lost between them. But you must listen to me, Narcissa. You must put aside past grudges. There is something more important now."  
  
Narcissa knitted her eyebrows, "But I have nothing against them."  
  
"It was not the Weasleys of which I spoke," Dumbledore said, "I shall take you there myself, tonight. But remember what I said, Narcissa. Let the past die. You have only your future to worry about now."  
  
* * *  
  
Molly Weasley, forty-two years old, had never in her life laid eyes on the wife of Lucius Malfoy, her husband's schoolyard nemesis. She had imagined, of course, that such a woman would be impeccably beautiful and twice as haughty as her husband. But Narcissa Black Malfoy was quite a different woman than she had imagined.  
  
As she cut away the fragments of Draco's scorched and bloodied shirt, Molly noticed how Narcissa refused to leave her unconscious son's side. She clutched his hand in hers as if she was terrified to let him go, for fear that he would die without her. Molly tossed the shirt into a wastebasket and ordered her son Fred to fetch something clean from Ron's basket to wear.  
  
"Ron's not going to like sharing his clothes with Malfoy, Mum," Fred cautioned.  
  
Molly glared at him, "I don't care what Ron likes or dislikes. This boy is grievously ill and we're going to take care of him. When I think of what he's been through, and what his mother's been through – "  
  
"They're Malfoys, Mum," George protested, "They don't have feelings like the rest of us."  
  
Molly slapped him, "You shut up this instant! I don't ever want to hear of either of my sons speaking that way again! Now do as I say before I slap the other side of your face!"  
  
The boys left the room muttering as Molly walked back over to Draco and his mother. She took a warm wet cloth and began to mop the blood from his face. "There," she said soothingly to Narcissa, "Why don't you go in the bathroom and have Hermione draw you a nice hot bath? I'm sure you must be exhausted." "Oh, no," Narcissa shook her head gently, "I can't leave Draco. Thank you, of course," she went on hastily, "But I just couldn't leave him right now."  
  
"There's nothing more you can do for him," Molly replied softly, "Dumbledore's told me everything. You've done more than anyone could have done. It's time you looked after yourself too."  
  
Narcissa tentatively reached out a hand and brushed a stray lock of hair from Draco's pale forehead, "Some things are more important," she whispered, "As a mother, I'm sure you understand."  
  
Molly looked at the tiny, waiflike mother sitting trembling in her seat, clinging to the person in life she loved more than her own self, and she felt her heart fly out of her chest to this woman. "Yes," she whispered, "I do."  
  
When Draco was cleaned up and sleeping peacefully, Molly walked around the bed and sat next to Narcissa, who was falling asleep next to him. "Come, dear," she murmured, "It's high time we got you cleaned up as well. I know you don't want to leave your son," she cut in as Narcissa began to protest, "but it's Dumbledore's orders that I look after you, too. Come now."  
  
Narcissa was too tired to protest any longer, and she allowed Molly to lead her out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. Molly handed Narcissa a worn robe from a pile of fresh, warm laundry, "I know it's not what you're used to," she said, a tad embarrassed, as she looked at Narcissa's pretty and expensive attire, now reduced to tatters from her battle with Lucius the night before.  
  
"It's just fine," Narcissa replied, touching the soft terry fabric with one hand, "It will be nice to get out of these ragged things." She looked up at Molly shyly, "Thank you."  
  
"Pooh, for what?"  
  
"For taking care of Draco. For giving us a place to stay." Narcissa hesitated, "Dumbledore said that your husband and Lucius never got along, and – "  
  
Molly took her by her thin shoulders, "Don't say another word about it. I know a thing or two about husband you can't control." Her face darkened slightly, as if she were remembering something unpleasant, but then became soothingly sweet again, "And I'd trust Dumbledore with my life. I'm happy to help you in any way I can."  
  
"You are too kind," Narcissa replied softly, as Molly began to draw her a hot bath.  
  
Molly straightened up, "No, Mrs. Malfoy – I'm just an ordinary mother who knows another loving mother when she sees her."  
  
Narcissa smiled. Molly grinned and walked to the door, "Now, don't worry another minute about Draco. I'll see to him for you." She walked out of the room, shutting the door, and leaving Narcissa with the bath.  
  
It was different from anything she'd ever experienced in her life. Narcissa was used to spacious, large bathtubs filled with perfumed water, and a house-elf to scrub her back and keep the water warm. And she had never really been dirty enough to warrant a real bath. But as she climbed into the little porcelain tub, Narcissa was more relaxed than she had ever been in her life.  
  
She soaked for an hour, perhaps more, letting the dirt and blood just pour off of her body and melt away. She fell asleep for a time, not noticing or caring for anything around her. Unfortunately, she woke up to a bathtub of nearly icy water, and someone banging on the door.  
  
"Is anyone in there? Hey!"  
  
"Oh – oh, I'm sorry!" Narcissa replied, frantically stepping out of the tub and tripping over the rim. She sprawled on the floor and quickly covered herself with the robe. "I'll be just a minute!" Why did that voice sound so familiar? Had she heard it before? She would have to hear it again to be sure.  
  
She grabbed the comb Molly had left for her and quickly began to comb the snarls out of her wet hair. She tied the robe quickly and wrenched the door open.  
  
Remus Lupin was standing there in the doorway.  
  
Narcissa's eyes widened.  
  
Remus' jaw dropped.  
  
Silence reigned in the hallway. Neither of them knew what to say.  
  
* * *  
  
Remus looked at the curve of that pretty face, still as youthful-looking as it had been all of those years ago, when she was sixteen years old, when he had last seen her. He looked at those wide-open blue eyes, the eyes he never thought he would look into again. He looked at the long hair, hanging in damp strands around her face. He looked at the terry robe, cheaper than anything he had ever seen her wear.  
  
Unbidden, he felt a flash of love and relief that she was standing before him course through his veins. While on his watch, he had heard a rumor that Lucius Malfoy had escaped prison and had been killed at the Malfoy's manor. He had only imagined that she had been killed as well. How had she come to be there? Of course. Only Dumbledore could have told her where to go. How had she known to go to Dumbledore? Well, she hadn't been a complete fool when she was sixteen. Surely she wasn't one now.  
  
Narcissa stared wide-eyed at the thick, pale brown hair, still long and shaggy, but unmistakably shot with silver. She looked at the still- handsome face, worn with lines of age and grief. She stared into those pale eyes, beautiful and sad still. She looked at his clothes, worn and tattered as if he hadn't bought new ones in years.  
  
She had not seen him since she was sixteen years old. And she had never loved him more.  
  
All he wanted in the world was to hold her in his arms again, to kiss those lips and tell her that he was never going to let her go again.  
  
All she wanted to do was touch that face and know that it was real, that it had been real all of those years, and that she had never stopped loving him.  
  
All they wanted was to break the chains that had always bound them to life apart – Lucius Malfoy, and the horrible rumors that had chased him for years.  
  
But Remus only nodded stiffly and said, "Mrs. Malfoy."  
  
And he walked past her into the bathroom for a shower, shutting the door behind him.  
  
Narcissa stared at the door as if she were fixed to the spot, staring with glassy, dead eyes, until Molly Weasley found her, and, puzzled, lead her into one of the guest bedrooms to change into some of Hermione Granger's things.  
  
Remus Lupin leaned against the closed door of the bathroom and stared up at the ceiling, as if petitioning God.  
  
How can I still love her, after all she did? He thought. How, after all of these years, after all the pain, how can I still be in love with her?  
  
And he dropped his head into his hands and began to cry. 


	10. The truth in a dream

Narcissa sat as if lifeless as Molly Weasley fussed over her. She felt empty, devoid of life. All of these years, and Remus still had not forgiven her. She knew she should have expected it. She knew she should have been prepared for silence, for hatred, for cold civility. But still, she could not believe it. And she could not believe that she was still in love with him.  
  
Molly had given her a sundress and sweater of Hermione's. Molly was a good few sizes larger and a few inches shorter than Narcissa was – her clothes would never have fit her on any day. But Hermione had grown over the summer, and her things fit like a glove.  
  
"Dumbledore wants you to go into hiding," Molly hesitated, "I think we ought to cut your hair, dear. I don't know how much good it will do, but we might as well."  
  
"Chop it off," Narcissa said dully, "I don't care what you do with it. I've wanted to get rid of it for years, but Lucius never let me."  
  
Molly picked up her scissors and began to snip. "Are you all right, dear?" she asked softly.  
  
"Did I just imagine what happened in the hallway?" Narcissa asked, as if Molly had never spoken, "Was that who I thought it was?"  
  
"If you thought it was Professor Remus Lupin, then you didn't imagine it," Molly replied.  
  
"Professor Lupin?"  
  
"He taught Defense Against the Dark Arts a few years back at Hogwarts," Molly said darkly, "But then Professor Snape sold him out – couldn't get over that old schoolboy grudge, I suppose – and he had to retire."  
  
"Professor Snape?" Narcissa broke in incredulously. "He teaches too?"  
  
"Potions, at Hogwarts as well," Molly replied, clipping slowly and deliberately, "He is still the same, of course. Hated Sirius until he died, that man, and hates Remus almost as much, unfortunately. Still, they all have to work together on the Order – you'll know all about the Order, of course."  
  
"Yes, Dumbledore told me."  
  
"Well, they try and work together. Unfortunately, it just didn't work out for Snape and Sirius. I still hope there's time for Remus and Snape. But we'll see." Molly sighed. "It's a shame about Sirius, poor dear – did you know Sirius Black?"  
  
Narcissa closed her eyes briefly. "Yes. I knew him." She twisted her fingers together, "He was my cousin."  
  
Molly stopped snipping, "Your cousin?"  
  
"Yes. We went to school together, until I dropped out to marry Lucius."  
  
"You dropped out? Of your own accord?"  
  
"Never." Narcissa closed her eyes again, "I would never have wanted to leave Hogwarts. It was the happiest place I ever was. It was the only place I had friends."  
  
Molly turned Narcissa's head to the side to reach a better angle. "But you gave it up anyway? Why on earth was that?"  
  
Someone with a little more tact might have blushed at the impertinent questions Molly was asking. But she did not budge an inch. She had not raised Fred and George to adulthood for nothing.  
  
Narcissa sighed, "I married Lucius in order to keep a secret for someone that I cared very deeply for. He would have hurt this person terribly if I had revealed it. Lucius discovered the secret and told me that if I refused to marry him, he would reveal it." Her expression darkened, "But he betrayed me in the end. And I lost the best person I've ever known."  
  
She did not say anything more, and Molly did not ask any questions. She only looked at the reflection of the sad woman in the mirror, musing darkly to herself.  
  
* * *  
  
"When is she leaving?" Remus demanded of Billy Weasley, two hours later after dinner.  
  
He had originally refused to join the others at the table, saying he would take dinner in his room later. But when Charlie Weasley had told him that Narcissa was holed up in her room watching over her still-unconscious son, he had deigned to come down and join them, slinking in slowly and refusing to meet the eyes of many.  
  
"I don't think she is," Bill confessed, "Dumbledore says she needs to go into hiding. This is the safest place in England for her."  
  
"If she stays," Remus fumed, "I must leave."  
  
"You can't," Bill blanked, "You just can't leave, Lupin. The Order needs you."  
  
Remus felt sick with fury and anguish, "You cannot possibly understand, Bill. You're too young – you know nothing of what I say when I tell you that she is evil, and she will betray us all – she proved herself capable of that at only sixteen years of age."  
  
"Is that what you know?" came a voice behind him, "Or what you want to believe?"  
  
Molly Weasley was standing behind Remus, her arms crossed across her chest.  
  
"Bill, leave us be," she ordered, "This is between Remus and I."  
  
Bill shrugged his shoulders and turned away, walking over to where Fred, George, Ron, and Hermione were all talking animatedly about how on earth Harry was going to react to Draco when he arrived in just a week.  
  
"Come over here, where we can talk alone," Molly went on grimly, "I have to have a word with you."  
  
Remus stared at her for a minute, and then acquiesced. They moved into the drawing room, out of earshot of the others. "Now," he said rudely, "What is it you have to say?"  
  
"I heard what you said about Narcissa," she said, folding her arms across her chest again, "Do you have any basis in fact for what you just said?"  
  
"It is none of your business what I think, feel, or say, Molly," Remus retorted.  
  
"It is when it is completely unfounded and you are assaulting the character of an innocent woman!" Molly stormed.  
  
"Innocent?" Remus laughed ironically, "Narcissa Black – Malfoy – innocent?" He turned away darkly.  
  
"I don't care what she might have done when you were in school!" Molly shouted, running around him to catch his eye, "Or what you think she did when you were in school," she added maliciously.  
  
Remus glared at her, "It's none of your business."  
  
"It IS my business when her heart is breaking and you won't even say anything!" Molly cried, "She's lost her life to a man who beat her cruelly all of his life – she hasn't said so in so many words, but I can read between the lines! And now she's almost lost her son! She's been through a terrible ordeal, Remus. And you will do nothing but condemn her further to the people she's come to, not asking for forgiveness, but merely asking for help, because she has no one else!"  
  
Remus felt his shoulder blades twitch as if stabbed as she spoke. No!  
  
"If you were in position," he snarled, "You couldn't forgive either."  
  
And he turned his back again and walked away.  
  
* * *  
  
In the darkness, Draco felt himself falling away, spinning through nightmares. He was vaguely regaining consciousness, slowly rising up from the depths of his dreams. He felt the familiar hand clutch his – and immediately he was spinning off again, into a lifetime of dreams, of memories, of terrors he had never known existed.  
  
There she was again – the pale, pretty blonde girl from his dream. She was wearing a pale blue sheath dress, her hair piled on the top of her head. She was wearing the star sapphire pendant that he had seen in his mother's jewelry box. Her eyes were wide with terror as she stepped backwards. But not quickly enough. A hand came down out of the blackness and slapped her resoundingly across her beautiful face.  
  
Draco cried out, but nobody heard him. He was an invisible spirit, hovering beside the woman he knew to be his mother, twenty years ago.  
  
"And if you tell anyone, anyone what happened, I will make SURE Remus is killed," Lucius Malfoy's voice snarled. He pushed Narcissa into the fireplace and tossed in a handful of Floo powder. The fire ignited, and the pretty face dissolved in a blaze of fire. Draco's eyes flew open, "No!" he cried, "Mother!"  
  
And suddenly he was locked inside his mother's embrace. She held him, and he could feel her thin shoulders trembling. "Draco," she whispered, "Oh, my God, Draco." She was not crying – this was something beyond tears. She didn't care what happened to her now – it didn't matter. Draco was alive, and that was all that meant anything to her now.  
  
"Mum," Draco whispered, touching her face, "Mum, are you all right?"  
  
"I thought – I thought you were going to – "Narcissa pulled her son to her again, "Oh, God, Draco, I'm so glad you're all right."  
  
Draco felt tears in his eyes, "I didn't want him to kill you. I'm sorry I didn't do enough."  
  
"No," Narcissa shook her head violently, rocking him, "You did more than you should have. I'm just so glad you're alive."  
  
Draco gently shrugged her off, "Where is he? What happened?"  
  
"There's no time to explain now," Narcissa murmured, "You have to relax."  
  
"No, Mum! I just – have to ask you – "  
  
But Narcissa was turning a deaf ear. Draco played his hole card.  
  
"Who is Remus?" he yelled, "Who is he, Mum?"  
  
Narcissa froze.  
  
The door opened behind her, and Remus Lupin put his head in.  
  
"Breakfast is ready," he said curtly.  
  
Draco's eyes widened.  
  
"Professor Lupin?" he asked.  
  
Remus inclined his head and made to back out of the room.  
  
"Remus Lupin!" Draco shouted, "I remember now! And you were the one who gave her the pendant!"  
  
Now it was Remus' turn to freeze. He stared at Draco with his jaw slightly open.  
  
Narcissa's eyes widened, "How did you know about that?"  
  
"Never mind how I know," Draco's mind was working furiously, "And then Father threatened to have him killed if you ever told anyone that he hit you! So you told him," he pointed to Remus, "that you couldn't see him anymore – but the word got out anyway! I remember! Professor Snape told us in third year that he was a werewolf!"  
  
Remus whirled and looked at Narcissa, "Is this true?"  
  
Narcissa was shaking, "What are you saying, Draco?"  
  
Draco fell back on his pillow, "I've always been able to see inside you, Mum. I've always known that you had some sort of secret you were trying to hide. It was this, wasn't it? That's why you married Father. To protect him. But you must have failed, because someone else knew. Someone else must have told Professor Snape. Because he was the one who told us."  
  
Remus was staring as if he were seeing a ghost, "Snape, that night in the Shrieking Shack. He knew! He knew all along – "  
  
He turned to Narcissa, face shell-shocked, "And I thought – you – "  
  
Narcissa shook her head. She turned and fled from the room, leaving Remus and Draco to stare hauntingly at each other. 


	11. Entwined in the light

Narcissa didn't come out for dinner.  
  
Aided by a very subdued Remus, Draco managed to limp downstairs and have a piece of chicken. He sat at the opposite end of the table from Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who seemed to be at a loss for words, seeing his broken body. He refused to look at them, out of humiliated pride rather than disdain, but he noticed the way they kept sneaking glances at him from across the table.  
  
Remus sat across from him, at the very end of the table. He barely ate, staring off into the distance darkly, as if something was on his mind. He seemed too shell-shocked to engage in conversation. Not that there was much to begin with – dinner was a silent, uncomfortable affair. Hardly anyone spoke, and those who did, gave up after a few terse moments.  
  
Finally, Remus slammed his fork down on the table. Hermione and Molly both jumped.  
  
"That's it," he glowered, "I'm going to have a word with Snape!"  
  
Molly jumped up from the table, "I don't think – Remus, please think about this."  
  
"I've had twenty years to think about it, Molly!" Remus thundered, whirling on her at the doorway, "It's time I got some answers!"  
  
Hermione seemed to shrink into the table. Ron and Harry stared at Remus in disbelief. Only Draco's eyes narrowed, and he nodded as if he understood. Nobody else dared to speak. Gentle Remus never showed a display of temper. Now he looked as if he really might strike anyone he saw.  
  
"Remus," Molly began again.  
  
Remus reached into his pocket for his wand.  
  
"Don't you threaten her!" Bill shouted, jumping to his feet in front of his mother.  
  
"He won't hurt me," Molly said softly, "Sit down, Bill."  
  
Remus was breathing hard now, but his hand slid away from his pocket.  
  
"Just think," Molly pleaded with him. "It was years ago, he probably won't even remember – "  
  
"He'll remember," Remus snapped, "I'm sure of it."  
  
He turned on his heel and stalked into the drawing room. He stared pensively into the fireplace, before shouting, "Severus! I need a word!"  
  
There was a flash of light, and Snape's head appeared in the flames, "I'm quite busy right now, Remus, can it not wait until later?"  
  
"It can't," Remus said, "There's something I must ask you. In person."  
  
Snape rolled his eyes. There was a flash of green light, and then Snape stepped through the fireplace. He seemed disheveled and a bit tired.  
  
"What of it?" he asked, "Dumbledore has put me to an extraordinary amount of work, Remus. I do not have leisure time."  
  
"This won't take long," Remus snapped, "I want to know what you know about Narcissa Malfoy?"  
  
"I know that her husband is dead and that she is missing. That is all," Snape replied curtly, "And now, if you don't mind..."  
  
"I am not finished!" Remus shouted. He looked around himself apprehensively and then said, in a quieter tone, "I mean, what do you know about her relationship with Lucius Malfoy, back when we were in high school?"  
  
Snape stared at Remus, looking deep into his eyes. Suddenly, the lines fell away, and he did not look like the cold, hook-nosed Snape that had emerged over years of crippled aging, but the frightened, sad Severus who had been tormented throughout his years at Hogwarts. He stared at Remus with a mixture of fear and defiance.  
  
"Who really told Lucius Malfoy that Narcissa was in love with me?" Remus whispered.  
  
Severus took a deep breath and drew himself up to his full height.  
  
"It was I," he said defiantly. "I wrote to Lucius Malfoy and told him about you – who you were, and who you loved."  
  
Silence. Remus could hear the grandfather clock on the wall ticking slowly, each second as agonizing as a life age.  
  
"Why?" he asked agonizingly, "Why would you do such a thing?"  
  
"Because I hated James Potter!" Severus spat out, "I hated him! And he hated me, you all did, you remember!" He looked as though he had gone mad with rage and remorse, "He tormented me every day, he and Sirius Black! He had everything I didn't have – popularity, talent for something besides the Dark Arts – but there was one thing he wanted that he couldn't have, and that was Lily Potter."  
  
Remus stared at him, still not comprehending.  
  
"Then one day, I heard Narcissa Black convince Lily to go with Potter to Hogsmeade. She agreed, and Potter couldn't have been happier. I had been friends with Narcissa Black, she was friends with everyone then – and I couldn't believe she could have done something like that to me. She did it so that Potter would help her speak to you, so Potter would convince you to meet her outside the school that day. I overheard her telling him where to meet you. I snuck up to the Astronomy Tower. I saw you – "  
  
Remus felt sick, "You saw me kiss her."  
  
Snape threw his head back. "I wanted to hurt Narcissa. I wanted her to hurt as I did. And so I told Lucius Malfoy. I didn't know what he would do to her – I didn't want to see her in pain, I didn't want her life ruined. I just wanted her to know what it was like – to have nothing. To have it all taken away."  
  
Remus grew cold, "She's lived with nothing but pain and fear since the day you told my secret," he said. "My secret! You let her take the blame for it!"  
  
"I knew that you would blame her, and not me, since I would be forgotten in her betrayal of you," Snape said shortly, "I didn't care what happened to you – you were nothing to me. You never were my friend when Potter and Black ridiculed me – I could have cared less what happened to you." His eyes slid away from Remus, "But when I found out that Lucius had attempted to kill her..." his voice trailed off.  
  
"She is fine," Remus replied softly, "She's upstairs."  
  
Snape's head shot up, "What? What are you saying?"  
  
"She escaped. Lucius is dead because of her. She's upstairs right now, hiding."  
  
"From me?" Snape asked.  
  
"Me," Remus replied, downcast. "I just found out the truth. And I had to make sure that it really was the truth that I knew, and not just another foolish man's crazed idea."  
  
Snape shook his head in disbelief, "I do not know what to say," he replied.  
  
Remus stared at him, "There is nothing you CAN say," he replied. "We ruined her life, the two of us. You for revealing her secret, and me for abandoning her." He stared morosely into the distance, "And I do not know if we can make it up."  
  
He turned away from Snape and walked up the stairs to his bedroom.  
  
* * *  
  
Narcissa stepped outside her room into the dark hallway. She was wearing an old jacket she had found in one of the wardrobes, probably belonging to her aunt, Sirius' mother. She pulled an old brown hat discreetly over her newly-short hair.  
  
In the darkness, she peered into Draco's bedroom. Her son was sleeping peacefully in the moonlight, scars still lighting his pale face. She could not walk into the room. "If I wake him," she thought, "I will never be able to say goodbye." Tears in her eyes, she blew Draco a delicate kiss, and closed the door again.  
  
Carefully, she walked down the steps to the front door and placed her hand on the latch. "You have to do this," she whispered, "Go, do it now. Do it before you can't."  
  
"Narcissa."  
  
She froze.  
  
Remus Lupin was standing behind her, on the steps. He had followed her downstairs.  
  
"Where are you going?" he asked softly.  
  
Narcissa stared at him incredulously. Then she straightened up defiantly, "As if it were any of your business," she replied shortly, "I'm going into hiding."  
  
"When Dumbledore said you ought to hide," Remus replied, "he meant here, with us. It's the safest place."  
  
"Safe for Draco, maybe," Narcissa retorted, "but not for me."  
  
"And why is that?"  
  
Narcissa glared, "I would rather be off on my own than live where I am considered a liar, a betrayer, and a murderer."  
  
Remus stepped down onto the floor, "Nobody thinks that of you," he replied.  
  
Narcissa turned away, "Goodbye, Remus. This time, it's my decision."  
  
She unlatched the door.  
  
"It was Snape," Remus said.  
  
Narcissa stopped. "What?"  
  
"It was Snape. He told Lucius. He sold us out. He told him that I was a werewolf," Narcissa noticed there was no catch in his voice, no quieted tone of shame, "and he told him that you and I were in love."  
  
Narcissa closed her eyes, "And you believe this tale?"  
  
"No," Remus replied softly, "I believe the truth. It just happens that this 'tale', as you call it, IS the truth."  
  
Narcissa felt her shoulders begin to shake violently, "Well," she managed, "I'm glad you've come to that conclusion. But I must be going now."  
  
"Narcissa," Remus burst out, "I have made a terrible mistake. I abandoned you when you needed me, and worse yet, I misjudged you. My betrayal was worse than yours ever could have been. Can you ever forgive me?"  
  
Narcissa began to shake harder.  
  
"I never stopped caring for you," Remus went on, desperation creeping into his voice, "In my darkest hours, when I was lonely, when I was cold, when I was sad, I thought of you the way you were that night when I let you go to him, when I let you go with Lucius, the way you looked in your pale blue dress – and your eyes glowing." He had tears in his eyes now, "I told you that I loved you, but I let you go the minute I believed the words of another. It wasn't love, Narcissa, not the way you loved me. You were honest and true, and I deceived you. I betrayed you more than you could ever have betrayed me."  
  
Narcissa's eyes filled with tears. She couldn't look at him.  
  
"You can never believe this," Remus whispered, "But I loved you, Narcissa. When I thought that you were dead, when I heard that Lucius had come back to kill you, I felt my heart die inside. I thought that you were killed, and I didn't know how I could continue on. Somehow, even though I hurt you, even though I let you go – I still loved you in my heart. And then I saw you, alive, and I wanted nothing more than to hold you once again. But my stupid pride, my insane cruelty – I pushed you away again. I can never make that up to you, Narcissa. I know that."  
  
Narcissa let go of the door handle, "Say that again, Remus."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"The part where you said you loved me."  
  
Remus closed his eyes, "I love you, Narcissa. I love you. I never stopped loving you. I wanted to so badly, but I couldn't. I wish I could undo all of the pain that has happened to you. I know I'll never have another chance. But I love you."  
  
She closed her eyes again, "Do you mean that?"  
  
Do you mean that?  
  
Words from twenty years ago. A different time, a different place. The same beautiful woman. Remus felt tears fall from his eyes. He whispered:  
  
"Every word."  
  
And then his heart exploded in a flurry of color and light. Because Narcissa was in his arms, and her lips were on his, and she was kissing him for the first time in twenty years. And the deep ache he had had inside just vanished, never to appear again, at least not in the same way. The wounds on her heart seemed to melt away, and she never felt them again. The two of them held each other, kissing, tears, mingling with the moisture of their lips, and they could not stop. They cried and laughed, and held each other for a very long time, two souls come through the darkness, finally entwined in the light.  
  
(Still to be continued) 


End file.
